Fire and Ice: A Guide To Temperature Play

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What is Temperature Play?

To put it simply, it’s a technique often used (but not exclusively) in BDSM as well as ‘vanilla’ foreplay that uses heat or cold to stimulate the skin and provoke a sensual reaction. Temperature play is often combined with blindfolding and/or bondage to heighten the sensation.

Cosmopolitan states, “The main aim of temperature play is to provoke arousal by using the skin’s neuroreceptors. Stimulation through heat or cold gives the body a rush of sensations that, during foreplay, is translated into arousal. Temperature play is especially fun for the receiver when hot and cold are combined together in unpredictable patterns.”

Fire

There are a variety of ways to incorporate heat and fire into your sex life, but like anything, work your way up to the more intense side of things and don’t just dive straight in. A common source of heat use during foreplay is wax, but make sure you use candles designed specifically for sensual play as household candles have varying melting points, (meaning you could get badly burned).

Massage candles like this French Vanilla Candle by Olivia’s Boudoir are specifically formulated to burn at lower temperatures than regular wax candles. Plus, they melt into a delicious-smelling oil that you can rub into your partner’s skin for a sensual massage. However, whilst massage candles are cooler than a candle you’d find in a shop – that doesn’t mean they aren’t hot — they’re just much less likely to burn your skin. So grab your favorite scent and settle in a for a hot night, literally.

If you’re using a regular candle, and not a massage oil candle, wax play can be dangerous. If you’re not careful, you could burn your skin with too-hot wax. Be sure to test your boundaries and start slowly. Start with wax that burns at lower temperatures, like soy or paraffin candles, and drop the wax from higher distances (it’ll cool down as it falls through the air). Once you get more comfortable, you can try a wax with a higher melting point, like beeswax or palm. You can also drop the wax closer to the body, which will make the heat more intense.

Some fun, hot and less dangerous methods involve melted chocolate or edible oil which can be heated to your satisfaction and licked off you, making it that all more enjoyable.

There’s a lot more you can do with temperature than you think, ranging from simple beginner tips to hardcore and slightly/very dangerous (which we don’t recommend unless you’re an expert!). For example, there are some more extreme forms of temperature play using fire such as cupping, or streaking.

For those wondering, ‘streaking’ is where fuel is applied directly to the skin, lit on fire, then extinguished before the skin starts to burn. Fire cupping involves soaking a cotton ball in almost pure alcohol, the cotton is then lit and placed into the cup and quickly removed, while the cup is placed on the skin. Fire cupping often leaves marks that can remain from a few hours to a few days.

Some other hardcore fire fun consists of branding, fire flogging, fire fleshing (similar to streaking), and more. However, as previously stated – this should be left entirely for the professionals due to the high risk involved.

Ice

When talking of temperature play, the first thing that often springs to mind for most people is your partner using a ice cube in their mouth to melt on to your naked body, but as hot (and cool) as that may be, there’s a lot more you can do with temperature play.

A fun way of experimenting with the cold sensation down there is by chewing a menthol chewing gum (Airways: menthol & eucalyptus for a stronger feeling) and either removing it or keeping it in your mouth during oral sex. It gives your genitals that tingling sensation that you get with ice, but just not as intense.

By using toys that retain the cold such as glass and metal, don’t hesitate to take advantage of that, and leave them resting in an ice bucket for that extra tingling sensation when it comes around to either pleasuring yourself or having someone else use the toys on you. However, you must always test the temperature on another area of skin (like your inner elbow) before using – this goes for both hot and cold ventures. If you don’t have a glass or metal sex toy, fear not – silicone sex toys work too!

While you can definitely use ice cubes during sex, there are both safe and potentially dangerous ways to do so. Speaking to Elite Daily, sex educator, Crista Anne states that before using ice on sensitive areas, let it thaw out slightly. “Set it aside in a bowl or cup for five to 10 minutes. While the ice is melting a bit, get things heated up for maximum sensation shift. Beyond safety, this will also allow the ice to slip and slide over skin. Ice sticking to sensitive areas can be damaging and painful,” she adds. In general, you should proceed with excessive caution when using ice internally. Ice should never be inserted for more than five minutes, according to Crista.

Frostbite is a real concern when using ice during sex. “Some people will find the cold slightly uncomfortable at first, but pain is a sign of trouble when it comes to ice play,” says Crista. “This is why communicating about the sensations you’re both feeling is so important. A ‘pins and needles’ sensation, burning, and stinging are all warning signs of frostbite. Visual cues mean you should stop immediately and get warm. Look out for excessive redness or even a blueish tint to the skin, which is rare, but possible. The person using the ice should also be aware of these signs, because the skin on the fingertips is sensitive as well. Keeping a washcloth in a bowl of warm water nearby is a good safety measure” advises Crista.

However cold foods can also be tantilizing during sex, one source recommended fresh cold watermelon. Just be careful with foods and especially anything sweet down there as you don’t want a yeast infection! But how fun does that sound?! Hard, cold watermelon brushed on your skin and then bit into so the juice explodes all over your body, running everywhere to be licked up. Mmmmmm…

Lube

Lube is everyone’s best friend! It can be incorporated to anything sex and is a versatile sex accessory, and you can also change the temperature of your lube for heightened orgasms. Holly Richmond, PhD and sex therapist states to Refinery29, “If lube is at body temperature, we’re not feeling it. All we’re feeling is the penetration or the vibration,” Dr. Richmond says. “But if you add that extra layer, that extra element of warmth or cool, that takes things to another sensory level. Stick your lube in the fridge for a few minutes to cool it down, or, get a lube warmer, such as a Touch or a Pulse.” Dr. Richmond suggests.

But be careful: Just like with your sex toys, you don’t want to get your lube too warm or too cold. Test a few drops on your wrist before using the lube just to check. There are lubes for just about everything, and that includes temperature play. Sensation lubes are handy to keep by your bedside. You can buy them from Durex such as the Durex Play Warming Lube and the Durex Tingling Lube.

Threesomes: Are They All They Make Out To Be?

“What struck me was that before this point it had never really occurred to me that threesomes were something that ‘regular’ people did. To me it was something left to the realms of pornography, celebrity, or perhaps those at the very fringes of society.” Ryan Scoats, ‘Understanding Threesomes; Gender, Sex, and Consensual Non-Monogamy’

The normality of threesomes is growing in popular culture. Regularly featured in a wide array of media publications and websites, there is a strong argument that threesomes have become a risqué, but nonetheless socially accepted, perhaps even expected, part of a contemporary young person’s sexual repertoire of experiences.

A lot of the articles online discussing threesomes delve into couples wanting a threesome, and how to go about who to choose, the do’s and don’ts, if you’re completely ready, it’s consensual from both sides of the spectrum, and whether to have it with a rando or a friend. There’s not actually much info on threesomes for single people, who are also interested in exploring that avenue. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to fuck a couple in order to have a threesome either, it can be done in MANY ways.

Why Have A Threesome?

Speaking to The Guardian, last year Dr Ryan Scoats of Coventry University published ‘Understanding Threesomes’ – the first in-depth study on threesomes in 30 years. He had found that the motivations went far beyond straightforward novelty-seeking, from ticking it off a sexual “bucket list”, to settling psychological debts – for example, by leveling the score with an unfaithful partner. One woman who had cheated on her husband in a threesome later repeated the experience with him as payback.

“It can be an absolute sex romp,” says Scoats. “It can be about power, it can be about fun and excitement, it can be about alcohol. It can be that it was just there, and ‘Why not?’ And it can be all of these things, and none of these things.”

Some study participants told Scoats that they had gone ahead with it primarily for someone else’s benefit – a motivation he termed “sexual altruism”. It might be that their partner had a threesome fantasy that they didn’t necessarily share, or that they wanted to act on same-sex attraction within a mixed-sex relationship (especially common among women).

Are You Comfortable?

The general consensus implied that threesomes with your friends, and people you know are a lot better than having it with rando’s, in more ways than one. The intimate experience shared between three people can bring you a lot closer, in ways you didn’t feel were possible. Rarely do threesomes actually take place with three complete total strangers. Another common threesome scenario is couples, where they bring in an added extra to their sex life, to spice things up a bit. That person is often referred to as a ‘unicorn’ in the sex world.

As much as I probably would have a threesome, and like the idea of it, I don’t quite know how I’d feel about a hot (random) couple suggesting the idea… I think I’d think it was a ploy to murder me and get paranoid – refraining me from engaging in the act. Which I guess is why threesomes with friends appeals to people a lot more, because it’s… safer? I guess?

Most females stated they would feel safer having a threesome FFM because it’s more intimidating with two men, and the woman would generally feel more comfortable in that situation with another woman, rather than another man.

Fi ndings suggest: that although some women perceived MMF threesomes to be potentially objectifying and unsafe, this referred to a very specific type of MMF threesome—ones that did NOT include men engaging in same-sex sex interaction. In contrast, threesomes which did include men who interacted together sexually were seen as less objectifying, safer, and a potential source of arousal.

Bringing A Third Into Your Relationship

Photo Credit: Axel Bueckert/Getty Images/EyeEm

Once you’ve decided your relationship can handle a ménage à trois, then comes the actual hard part: figuring out how to have a sexy, romantic, drama-free threesome. P.s. best friends and boyfriend do not mix.

“Attempting a three-way doesn’t necessarily mean you’re courting catastrophe. It can definitely open the door for things to get weird or go wrong, though. But as long as you’re both all in, you’ve built a solid foundation of trust and communication, and you all respect the safety of everyone involved, threesomes can be a whole new way to expand your sexual repertoire. Do you share a fantasy you feel safe exploring together? Are you equally comfortable with trying a tri? Or is one of you doing it just to please the other — or to fish the relationship out of the toilet?” Says Paul Joannides, PsyD and author of ‘The Guide to Getting It On‘, to Greatest.com. Joannides continues,

“Before you even begin to look for a third player, you need to be crystal clear with yourself – and your partner – about why you want to have a threesome in the first place.”

Apps like 3nder specialise in threesome connections. And some regular dating sites have options for polyamorous couples looking for ways to recruit another partner. Whether you’re seeking someone online or off, it’s probably good to avoid friends and former lovers, Joannides advises. There’s no need to re-open old wounds from previous broken relationships, or make things forever awkward with a friend because you now can’t un-see their O face.

Also, make sure you and your partner are feeling sexual chemistry with the third wheel, a threesome is not going to be enjoyable for everyone if there’s one person who’s just not into it. Metro states, “Same-sex threesomes like F/F/F and M/M/M are kind of easy. Everyone is (generally) attracted to each other. But if you’re in a F/M/M or M/F/F threesome, or two people aren’t attracted to each other, things can get tricky. More pressure is put on one person to please the other two – and it can be exhausting.” An anonymous source has very kindly written in to Shit Happens, and they also back up this concept,

Confession #1 “I was fifteen and I did it with a couple which resulted in their break-up“

“All of my threesomes have been spontaneous, I’ve done MMF, FFM, and FFF. My first experience wasn’t the best. I was fifteen and I did it with a couple which resulted in their break-up. It was sober, but not planned. I didn’t experiment with threesomes again until I was 18 and that was FFF, so I was way more into it. My most recent one was MMF, not sober in the slightest and it wasn’t awkward at all. However, I do believe that if one of the parties is shit in bed, then it lets the side down.” Anon, London, 23

‘Opening up’ a monogamous relationship is often perceived as a threat to its long-term stability, either by reflecting a weakened commitment or by giving rise to jealousy. That can certainly be the case, says cultural anthropologist and writer of ‘Plays Well in Groups: A Journey Through the World of Group Sex’, Katherine Frank. “You can’t control what happens with two people. What makes you think you could with three?”

“People say, ‘You need to overcome your jealousy’, and that can sound really great when you’re sober in the daylight, but a lot of sex is subconscious. Something can suddenly hit you: ‘He moved her hair in a certain way’ – those things can trigger a jealous response that’s not even rational, that may be fleeting or intense.”

In general, Frank cautions against having too many expectations of how threesomes might go, especially for the first time: “The fantasy almost never lives up to the reality.” Equally important: what won’t be happening? Everything is up for discussion here. Is kissing off the cards? Is penetration off the cards, or is it fine as long as no one ejaculates in anyone else? Whoever is invited into the bedroom with you should never leave feeling like they’ve caused the rift between the two people in a relationship to get bigger. Sex should be a pleasurable, positive experience for all parties involved.

Which Age Bracket Loves Threesomes the Most?

The truth is, many threesomes are driven by a desire for novelty. For younger people, the “consumer sexuality” view, may be to maximise their experience before settling down into a relationship. But ‘Tell Me What You Want’ author and sex researcher, Lehmiller’s data shows college students are actually the least likely group to fantasize about threesomes.

Instead, Lehmiller found, interest in threesomes peaked around aged 40 and remained high for about the next 20 years before declining. “Most of these people are in long-term, monogamous relationships, and they are looking at threesomes as a way of injecting novelty into their sex life,” he says.

Analytics of the porn streaming site ‘Pornhub’ shows that ‘threesome’ was the second most commonly viewed category of pornography by women in 2018, and the eighth most viewed category overall – across all viewers. (Porn Hub’s 2018 Year in Review, 2019). So is it really a surprise that so many people are up for bringing someone else into the mix?! It is a fantasy many people seem to get off on.

Food for Thought

Facilitating real-life threesomes has become easier with the creation of location-based smartphone apps such as Tinder, Grindr, and even some dedicated to finding threesomes, such as Feeld (formally 3nder), 3somer, and Trippple. Location-based apps allow users to find others looking for the same thing (be this dating, casual sex, etc.), sorted by geographical proximity so you can have fun wherever you are in the world!

As fun as threesomes seem, there is a lot of thinking that needs to go into it. Such as facilitating the correct use of protection when swapping partners, and… just when do they leave? GQ Magazine states, “Logically, you’ll want to have some cool-down and cleaning-off time, maybe offer them a drink, but, are they staying over? If they aren’t, and you don’t have good public transport links, are you paying for their Uber? If they are, are you making them breakfast? What are you allowed to do with your third while one of you is out of the room?” Just a few things to think about before engaging in your first threesome.

Confession #2 “ONE OF THE BEST SEX EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE!”

“It was a Tuesday, me and my friends ended up going on a spontaneous night out to an Irish bar (with plans to get home at a decent time). It got messy. We then met three guys (all in their thirties) with whom ended up coming back home with us.

We got back to the flat and got fucked up for a few hours. Normally I’m the first to go to bed, so I don’t have to be the one to kick anyone out, but because I liked one of the guys, I ended up being the last. Both of my flat mates went to bed and left me in the lounge – alone. One of the guys decided to go home. So it was just me and these two lads.

This is where it got a bit uncomfortable for me, as I wanted to take one of them to my room but the other guy was like “you go, and I’ll stay here and wait”. I thought, no way… that’s a bit weird? But then the other guy said “why don’t we both just fuck you then?” And because I’d never had a threesome before I thought, I’m fully up for this, I’m gonna do it! I think to start with I was quite dominant in who was where, and what I wanted. I never thought in a million years it would even happen!

So, next minute I’m sucking one of them off whilst the other one was fucking me. Then at one point, I actually was having anal and sex at the same time – and it was incredible! It went on for ages, all across the living room. I had never been chucked around so much in my life, and the sex was AMAZING! The two lads didn’t want to do anything to each other, so they just took in turns with me. I think we continued doing this till about 8am, and then when I woke up the next morning I realised I didn’t get either of their numbers and will probably never see them again. Gutted. But it is definitely up there as one of the best sex experiences of my life.” Anon, Sheffield, 22

THANK YOU!

I just want to use this post to thank everybody that has taken part so far in this new project of mine, and also I’d like to thank everybody that reads these articles and likes/ follows/ shares the page. Your interaction is SO appreciated. Don’t feel as though there’s anything you CAN’T talk about with me, my DM’s and e-mail is always open, as are my thoughts. Even if it’s just a general question and you want a second opinion, but you’re too embarrassed to ask friends or your partner – please don’t hesitate to get in touch. Our conversations will remain completely anonymous unless you request otherwise. Whilst you’re here why not read my most recent article? The Female Orgasm & Squirting: The Truths!

The Female Orgasm and Squirting: The Truths

Researchers May Have Just Figured Out Why The Female Orgasm Exists — *Credit: Castle Rock Entertainment*

One of the most hotly debated arguments when it comes to female sexuality is squirting, aka when fluid comes jetting out of a woman’s genitals, often with an accompanying orgasm. Not every woman can squirt though, so if you don’t think you can, rest assured, there’s nothing wrong with you.

It’s a no-brainer that the female orgasm is still a mystery to many men. (Should we provide them with a map to the clitoris, perhaps?) But it’s not a stretch to say that many women could also use more education when it comes to reaching climax, whether solo or with a partner – myself included.

Unlike men, not every woman can cum. Well not easily anyway. For a woman it is a lot harder. This expectation of women being able to cum and squirt like pushing a button on a machine is absolutely and categorically a MYTH. Some women can cum really easily – yes – but most can’t. According to Psychology Today 75% of women can’t cum from penetration alone. Being able to orgasm depends a lot on foreplay for a woman, and heavily on clitoral stimulation in order to achieve it. No disrespect to penis-in-vagina intercourse, but penetration is not the easiest route to an orgasm for most women. What move is more likely to lead to an amazing orgasm? Oral sex – receiving it, that is.

According to a 2017 study from the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, nearly 70% of women described receiving oral as “very pleasurable.” It’s not hard to guess why. A third of women said that they need this kind of touching to reach climax.

WTF Is Squirting?!

Wtf is squirting? Is it cum? Is it wee? Is it some other liquid your body makes up?! Recent research puts the number of women who experience female ejaculation at around 54%. But that same research found that up to 66% of women experience coital incontinence, or excreting urine at orgasm. And it’s hard to tell the difference between ejaculate and urine, says Dr. Streicher for Health.com.

“With female ejaculation, what we’re generally talking about is an emission of fluid from the Skene’s glands, which are little glands on the side of the urethra,” she explains. “Some women do lose urine when they orgasm, but it’s very diluted so it doesn’t smell like urine. So it’s not so obvious what’s happening.”

Either way, it’s just what your body does. “One of the questions that comes up all the time with my patients is whether there’s a way to make it stop,” says Dr. Streicher. “If it’s ejaculate, no. If it’s urine, there are opportunities to try and decrease or eliminate incontinence. But I get a surprising number of women who tell me they want to ejaculate. How can they make that happen? I have no idea.”

Squirting: Fact or Fiction?

Casey Calvert, a porn star, BDSM and fetish expert for GameLink, and a self-professed squirter, thinks squirting is a real phenomenon. She says to Cosmopolitan that if you want to squirt orgasmically, “get very comfortable with your Hitachi vibrator and also get a G-spot toy.”

To be clear, a lot of the time when you see squirting in porn – it is pee. “You can’t tell (it’s pee) unless the girl is really bad at her job and didn’t drink enough water and it’s really yellow,” says Calvert. “My personal experience is that I can’t squirt on command. The porn makers are very practical about it. If you get hired to do a squirting scene, they don’t really care what you’re doing, if you’re actually expressing the gland that creates the real squirt or if you’re peeing.” So it makes sense that sometimes squirting, like a lot of other things you see in porn – isn’t real.

It’s also a popular fetish, according to Calvert, which is why you see it a lot in porn. It’s also possibly what’s driving all the conversations about it. She theorizes that it’s popular with men because they like to see tangible evidence (which is what happens when they orgasm) that a woman is cumming.

Porn likes to create this image that the female orgasm is something you can’t physically miss, with it’s soul shaking body takeover. This is not true. It isn’t always that way. On some occasions, some women can’t even identify if they’re had an orgasm or not, due to other heightened times of peak pleasure during their sexual encounter.

Squirting isn’t always an uncontrollable shower either, according to gsilicone.com, “What is actually excreted in terms of fluid can range from a few drops of a milky, slightly viscous excretion, to a full blown gush of clear liquid; in fact, what’s emitted can be any variant between these two extremes.” You also may excuse the juices for being his, having not realised you’ve actually came.

According to ListVerse, research by a neuroscientist shows that many women report having orgasms without any noticeable contractions or violent shaking of the limbs like we’d generally expect, and science doesn’t know why. It may be because women aren’t often good at differentiating an orgasm from other peak times of pleasure during a sexual encounter.

Why You Might Not Be Able To Orgasm

The high importance that society places on sex, combined with our incomplete knowledge of the orgasm, has led to a number of common misconceptions. Sexual culture has placed the orgasm on a pedestal, often prizing it as the one and only goal for sexual encounters. However, orgasms are not as simple and as common as many people would suggest. It is estimated that around 10-15 percent of women have never had an orgasm.

It is commonly held that orgasms are a sexual experience, typically experienced as part of a sexual response cycle. They often occur following the continual stimulation of erogenous zones, such as the genitals, anus, nipples, and perineum.

According to Medical News Today, “The absence of having orgasms is also referred to as anorgasmia. This term can be divided into primary anorgasmia, when a woman has never experienced an orgasm, and secondary anorgasmia, when a woman who previously experienced orgasms no longer can. The condition can be limited to certain situations or can generally come about. It can occur as the result of physical causes such as gynecological issues or the use of certain medications, or psychological causes such as anxiety or depression.“

The Stats & Facts

There’s not really a ‘right amount of time’ for your orgasm to last. In fact, researchers used to think that 3 to 15 seconds was about the duration of a female orgasm. Then they found evidence that a climax could go on for 20 seconds to 2 minutes. The journal Ceskoslovenska Psychiatrie published data showing that 40% of women estimated the duration of their orgasm to be 30 to 60 seconds or even longer, and 48% of women experienced predominantly long orgasms.

According to NCBI, almost 60% of women ejaculate when they orgasm. However, women in same-sex relationships are more likely to orgasm than women who sleep with men. (Probably because they know where the clitoris is). In a recent study published in Archives of Sexual Behaviour, ninety-five percent of heterosexual men reported that they usually or always orgasm during a sexual encounter, while only 65% of heterosexual women said the same thing.

One of the reasons female orgasm is so mysterious is that it appears to serve no evolutionary purpose at all. Unlike men, it doesn’t do anything for the actual reproduction process. According to some scientists, the contractions during an orgasm help the female retain as much sperm as she can, increasing the chances of fertilization. It’s backed by research, too.

Cosmopolitan states, “Squirting has nothing to do with the intensity of the orgasm. In fact, the women who do it are likely more focused on fulfilling the sexual fantasies of their male sex partners than actually enjoying an orgasm. Many sex therapists actually think that straining to squirt can ultimately damage the pelvic muscles.”

And for all those wondering, when the contents of this fluid have been analyzed, it’s actually – yes – closer to pee than it is to female ejaculate.

Orgasms Can Cure Migraines!

Migraine vs headache — *Credit: Flo.Health*

Suffer from headaches? Try getting it on, be it with a partner, or with yourself! Sixty percent of migraine sufferers experienced moderate or complete relief after an orgasm, according to research published by the International Headache Society.

Neurologist and headache specialist at the University of Münster in Germany, Stefan Evers says to LiveScience, “There’s a portion of patients with migraines, about one-third, who experience relief from a migraine attack by sexual activity.” Various things from sunlight to lightning, can trigger migraines. “Meanwhile, about 1 percent of the population suffers from headaches caused by sex“, Evers continued. So I guess this cure doesn’t necessarily work for everyone!

Oral Sex and How Sucking Dick Can Help Cure Depression

Oral Sex mini book by Beverly Cummings — Oral Sex Mini Book by Beverly Cummings

Oral sex… Where do I begin? Oral sex is using your mouth and tongue to stimulate your partner’s genitals or anus. Like all sex, different people enjoy different things. ‘Going down’, ‘rimming’ and ‘blow jobs’ are some of the many ways of describing oral sex.

Many people do enjoy oral sex as part of their sex life, but it is a very personal thing and not everybody likes it or chooses to do it. There are a whole variety of ways to lick, suck and stimulate someone. You may decide not to have oral sex at all, or you may enjoy experimenting with your partner to find out what gives you both pleasure.

It is important to talk to your partner so you can understand what you both enjoy and what you would prefer to avoid. It can take a while to work out what makes someone feel good. The best thing to do is to keep communicating with your partner. Ask them to tell you what feels nice and let them know when you are enjoying something.

Some women don’t like the taste of cum, which is fine – use a condom to give the blowjob or let him finish elsewhere. Likewise, if a man isn’t a big fan of giving head to a woman there’s plenty of flavoured lubes you can use and even a dental dam (explained further down in the article).

Below I’m going to expand on both male and female oral as well as rimming, how to (potentially) stimulate your partner more, fun oral sex facts, how to keep it safe, and the nitty gritty.

Fun Facts About Oral Sex

23 Oral Sex Positions You Need in Your Life - Best Oral Sex Positions

SWALLOWING CUM HELPS CURE DEPRESSION!

“Some studies have suggested that exposure to semen offers strange health benefits—like a reduced likelihood of preeclampsia or depression.”

Semen is best known for what’s not absorbed by the vagina, sperm, which swim through it on their way into the fallopian tubes where fertilization takes place. According to Psychology Today, “Sperm comprises only about 3 percent of semen. The rest is seminal fluid: mostly water, plus about 50 compounds: sugar (to nourish sperm), immuno-suppressants (to keep women’s immune systems from destroying sperm), and oddly, two female sex hormones, and many mood-elevating compounds: endorphins, estrone, prolactin, oxytocin, thyrotropin-releasing hormone, and serotonin.”

In a comparison between women who ‘always’, ‘usually, or ‘never’’ used condoms, those who were exposed to semen, showed significantly better mood—fewer depressive symptoms, and fewer bouts of depression. However, compared to women who had no intercourse at all, the semen-exposed women showed more elevated mood and less depression. So it appears quite possible that the antidepressants in semen might have a real mood-elevating effect

Speaking of cum, you know whose genital juice tastes like cookies and cream? No one’s! We all have a taste down there, and some people may be self-conscious. However, as long as you’re healthy and on top of your hygiene, you should taste fine. On the other hand, according to Health.com, if you’d like to sweeten your sauce, try eating: pineapple, papaya, nutmeg, cinnamon, or celery!

Can pineapple make you taste nicer? Though there are no scientific studies that prove this yet, Koushik Shaw, MD, of the Austin Urology Institute in Texas, also previously told Health.com that eating foods with higher sugar content, like fruit, could possibly make bodily fluids taste a little sweeter. But that effect wouldn’t be noticeable right away—especially not in men, since “prostate fluid in ejaculate can be made weeks or months before,” he said.

In a 2016 study in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, approximately 900 heterosexual college students took part. They found out that, slightly more women than men (59% as opposed to 52%) reported giving oral sex to their partner. Unsurprisingly, more men than women (63% versus 44%) reported receiving oral sex. Men were also less likely to reciprocate after women went down on them, breaking a major rule of sexual etiquette: 26% of women and only 10% of men reported giving oral sex but not receiving it.

How to Practice Safe Oral Sex

How to Use a Dental Dam | CDC — (What a dental dam looks like)

You should avoid oral sex if either of you has sores or cuts around your mouth, genitals or anus, or a bleeding or infection in your throat or mouth.

The best barrier method you can use when giving oral to someone with a vagina is a dental dam. This is a thin latex barrier that you place over the vulva. You can order dental dams online or use a condom to create an alternative. According to Health.com, “The key to making oral sex safe is to avoid mouth-to-genital contact and the transmission of any bodily fluids. Condoms, including flavoured varieties, can be used to perform oral sex on men. For going down on women, thin sheets of latex called dental dams can be purchased online or in sex-toy stores.”

If you don’t have a dental dam, use a DIY option. Plastic wrap can also do the trick, says Dr. Rosser. “You can even cut a condom open lengthwise and use that if you need to,” she adds.

Male Oral

How To Perform Fellatio - 30 Techniques For Wild Oral Sex Orgasms

He doesn’t need to ejaculate for a blowjob to be enjoyable. Many guys don’t actually want going down to be the main event. According to a Cosmo poll, 54 percent of men like oral action as foreplay alone.

A man’s penis is highly sensitive, so be gentle at first and slowly work up to a faster pace. You can try different tongue, mouth and head movements to see what works best, but never use your teeth. When you give a man oral sex you can stop at any time and it’s up to you to decide if you want to let him ejaculate (or cum) in your mouth. Of course, if he’s wearing a condom this isn’t an issue, and it means you will both be protected against sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Without trying internal prostate play via fingering or toys, did you know you can also stimulate a guy’s prostate externally? Cara Kovacs, a NYC-based sex coach, suggests stimulating your guy’s perineum (located between his anus and balls) by gently massaging him while going down on him.

Giving oral sex to men can be switched up in a lot of ways. Blow jobs aren’t just sucking dick. Spit, use your tongue, lick it, use the balls, and even use their ass if they like it (and you’re into it too). Get creative. Use your hands too, this will allow you to control how much of the penis goes into your mouth/throat and gives you more control whilst performing the act. Sex is better when wet and slippery.

Female Oral

Being stimulated in multiple areas will help a woman reach climax more quickly. So while your partner’s tongue is at work, have them play with your nipples at the same time. When playing with nipples, in the beginning your partner should be soft and as you get closer to climax they can squeeze (if you’re into that). Cunnilingus is often associated with licking, which is well and good, but suction on your clitoris can also be extremely feel-good. But be gentle. There are over 8000 nerve endings there after all!

When giving a female oral, gently part the outer lips of the vagina and look for the vaginal opening, and the clitoris just above it. In order to heighten the experience, see what you’re dealing with! By spreading the labia during cunnilingus, this way, your partner has the space to approach the clitoris from all angles and sides. In addition to this, Cosmopolitan recommends that you get your partner familiar with the KIVIN METHOD –

“Instead of having your partner approach your clit in the north end of their oral compass, have them lie perpendicularly, so your clit is now located in the east or west positions. This way, they can lick your clit from the new north to south, aka side-to-side, for what some say is a truly game-changing oral experience.”

Rimming

Performing oral sex on your partner’s anus (also known as rimming) can be part of any sexual relationship, whether gay, bisexual or straight. Avert recommends that “Before you begin, your partner may like it if you gently kiss and touch the area around the anus including the perineum (the area of skin between the genitals and the anus). You can then focus on the anus, circling your tongue around the outer area and finally inserting your tongue. Remember to listen to your partner and do what they enjoy, whether that’s licking, sucking or gently probing.”

Communication is key – during both – relationships and sex, so always figure out what you both enjoy, and listen to your partner. Avert also states that,

“If you are giving oral sex to a woman, don’t move from the anus to the vagina as this can transfer bacteria and cause infection. However, other STIs can easily be passed on during oral sex, in particular herpes, gonorrhoea and syphilis. Certain infections and viruses that are found in faeces (poo) can be passed on through oral–anal sex, this includes hepatitis A and E.coli.”

Extra Tips!

One of the hottest things to happen to me is have a guy cum solely off giving me oral sex. He didn’t touch himself once, nor did I touch him anywhere. Showing your partner you’re enjoying pleasuring them is a huge turn-on in itself, so don’t be afraid to show or tell them just how much you’re turned on.

Telling your partner they taste good, regardless of which gender you’re performing oral on will be a guaranteed turn-on, so get vocal! If they taste good, tell them! On the topic of being vocal, narrate what you’re doing/ planning on doing/ want to do to do to your partner, you’ll be surprised how much more you can arouse someone by just being that little bit more vocal.

Cosmopolitan have written an article on 35 ways to up your oral sex game (even more). They advise using sex toys during oral play, lube, sucking the clit, communicating your needs verbally with your partner, and many more tips. One of the tips being keeping undies on during oral / foreplay as it can be incredibly tantalizing for both sexes, the ultimate tease.

Also, with a little determination and imagination, you can turn pretty much any penetrative sex position into an oral sex position. Just like with intercourse, experimenting with new positions may crank up your chances of orgasm. Try out new positions when engaging in oral play, figure out what you like!

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