Confession One
“I had not long been with my boyfriend, like a couple of months? If that? We were freshers too. So the concept of freedom, youth and a new partner meant we fucked like rabbits all the time. However, as a fresher my diet consisted of 90% noodles.
One night we were going at it like normal, nothing out of the ordinary. Until he finished that is, I get up to go to the loo and clean myself up (always pee after sex!) and vomited up the entire pot of beef noodles I had for my dinner before – without warning. I guess the shag shook up the contents of my stomach? It was horrendous, and he could hear me vomiting.
We’ve been together for four years now and I haven’t eaten those noodles in years.” (S, 22, The South).
#StayOffNoodles
Vigorous exercise and a poor diet of the same saturated foods day in day out is bound to disagree with you at one point S. Thankfully it was AFTER you finished having sex.
Instant noodles are often full of sodium, so consuming those high levels of salt, with next to no protein or fibre on a daily basis is going to make you dehydrated, which according to registered nutritionist Jim White for Vice says, “That much sodium would likely lead to serious water retention. That would promote weight gain, and also feeling bloated, sluggish, or lethargic.”
Although the I must admit, I think that the sex definitely shook it up. However, on this topic I do have another contributor who has shared their story, but wasn’t quite as lucky…
Confession Two
“I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob whilst he was laying down and I was kneeling in between his legs. He thought it would be a great idea to grab my head and push it down really hard.
As I pulled my head up I projectile vomited all over his penis, chest and stomach. I then proceeded to cry for about fifteen minutes because I was so embarrassed.” (R, London, 27).
The gag reflex is a tender thing within some people, and to push your head straight down on it wasn’t necessarily going to go very well – some men just get too god damn horny! Respect each other’s limits in the bedroom to avoid things like this. He should be the one that was embarrassed – not you!
Get Involved
If you would like to share one of your sex stories that you deem to be ’embarrassing’ or ‘cringey’ or even if you have any questions, send them over to shithappenstothebestofus@gmail.com and let’s change that! Shit Happens is a completely #JudgementFreeZone
Shit Happens 