One of the most hotly debated arguments when it comes to female sexuality is squirting, aka when fluid comes jetting out of a woman’s genitals, often with an accompanying orgasm. Not every woman can squirt though, so if you don’t think you can, rest assured, there’s nothing wrong with you.

It’s a no-brainer that the female orgasm is still a mystery to many men. (Should we provide them with a map to the clitoris, perhaps?) But it’s not a stretch to say that many women could also use more education when it comes to reaching climax, whether solo or with a partner – myself included.

Unlike men, not every woman can cum. Well not easily anyway. For a woman it is a lot harder. This expectation of women being able to cum and squirt like pushing a button on a machine is absolutely and categorically a MYTH. Some women can cum really easily – yes – but most can’t. According to Psychology Today 75% of women can’t cum from penetration alone. Being able to orgasm depends a lot on foreplay for a woman, and heavily on clitoral stimulation in order to achieve it. No disrespect to penis-in-vagina intercourse, but penetration is not the easiest route to an orgasm for most women. What move is more likely to lead to an amazing orgasm? Oral sex – receiving it, that is.

According to a 2017 study from the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, nearly 70% of women described receiving oral as “very pleasurable.” It’s not hard to guess why. A third of women said that they need this kind of touching to reach climax.

WTF Is Squirting?!

Wtf is squirting? Is it cum? Is it wee? Is it some other liquid your body makes up?! Recent research puts the number of women who experience female ejaculation at around 54%. But that same research found that up to 66% of women experience coital incontinence, or excreting urine at orgasm. And it’s hard to tell the difference between ejaculate and urine, says Dr. Streicher for Health.com.

“With female ejaculation, what we’re generally talking about is an emission of fluid from the Skene’s glands, which are little glands on the side of the urethra,” she explains. “Some women do lose urine when they orgasm, but it’s very diluted so it doesn’t smell like urine. So it’s not so obvious what’s happening.”

Either way, it’s just what your body does. “One of the questions that comes up all the time with my patients is whether there’s a way to make it stop,” says Dr. Streicher. “If it’s ejaculate, no. If it’s urine, there are opportunities to try and decrease or eliminate incontinence. But I get a surprising number of women who tell me they want to ejaculate. How can they make that happen? I have no idea.”

Squirting: Fact or Fiction?

Casey Calvert, a porn star, BDSM and fetish expert for GameLink, and a self-professed squirter, thinks squirting is a real phenomenon. She says to Cosmopolitan that if you want to squirt orgasmically, “get very comfortable with your Hitachi vibrator and also get a G-spot toy.”

To be clear, a lot of the time when you see squirting in porn – it is pee. “You can’t tell (it’s pee) unless the girl is really bad at her job and didn’t drink enough water and it’s really yellow,” says Calvert. “My personal experience is that I can’t squirt on command. The porn makers are very practical about it. If you get hired to do a squirting scene, they don’t really care what you’re doing, if you’re actually expressing the gland that creates the real squirt or if you’re peeing.” So it makes sense that sometimes squirting, like a lot of other things you see in porn – isn’t real.

It’s also a popular fetish, according to Calvert, which is why you see it a lot in porn. It’s also possibly what’s driving all the conversations about it. She theorizes that it’s popular with men because they like to see tangible evidence (which is what happens when they orgasm) that a woman is cumming.

Porn likes to create this image that the female orgasm is something you can’t physically miss, with it’s soul shaking body takeover. This is not true. It isn’t always that way. On some occasions, some women can’t even identify if they’re had an orgasm or not, due to other heightened times of peak pleasure during their sexual encounter.

Squirting isn’t always an uncontrollable shower either, according to gsilicone.com, “What is actually excreted in terms of fluid can range from a few drops of a milky, slightly viscous excretion, to a full blown gush of clear liquid; in fact, what’s emitted can be any variant between these two extremes.” You also may excuse the juices for being his, having not realised you’ve actually came.

According to ListVerse, research by a neuroscientist shows that many women report having orgasms without any noticeable contractions or violent shaking of the limbs like we’d generally expect, and science doesn’t know why. It may be because women aren’t often good at differentiating an orgasm from other peak times of pleasure during a sexual encounter.

Why You Might Not Be Able To Orgasm

The high importance that society places on sex, combined with our incomplete knowledge of the orgasm, has led to a number of common misconceptions. Sexual culture has placed the orgasm on a pedestal, often prizing it as the one and only goal for sexual encounters. However, orgasms are not as simple and as common as many people would suggest. It is estimated that around 10-15 percent of women have never had an orgasm.

It is commonly held that orgasms are a sexual experience, typically experienced as part of a sexual response cycle. They often occur following the continual stimulation of erogenous zones, such as the genitals, anus, nipples, and perineum.

According to Medical News Today, “The absence of having orgasms is also referred to as anorgasmia. This term can be divided into primary anorgasmia, when a woman has never experienced an orgasm, and secondary anorgasmia, when a woman who previously experienced orgasms no longer can. The condition can be limited to certain situations or can generally come about. It can occur as the result of physical causes such as gynecological issues or the use of certain medications, or psychological causes such as anxiety or depression.“

The Stats & Facts

There’s not really a ‘right amount of time’ for your orgasm to last. In fact, researchers used to think that 3 to 15 seconds was about the duration of a female orgasm. Then they found evidence that a climax could go on for 20 seconds to 2 minutes. The journal Ceskoslovenska Psychiatrie published data showing that 40% of women estimated the duration of their orgasm to be 30 to 60 seconds or even longer, and 48% of women experienced predominantly long orgasms.

According to NCBI, almost 60% of women ejaculate when they orgasm. However, women in same-sex relationships are more likely to orgasm than women who sleep with men. (Probably because they know where the clitoris is). In a recent study published in Archives of Sexual Behaviour, ninety-five percent of heterosexual men reported that they usually or always orgasm during a sexual encounter, while only 65% of heterosexual women said the same thing.

One of the reasons female orgasm is so mysterious is that it appears to serve no evolutionary purpose at all. Unlike men, it doesn’t do anything for the actual reproduction process. According to some scientists, the contractions during an orgasm help the female retain as much sperm as she can, increasing the chances of fertilization. It’s backed by research, too.

Cosmopolitan states, “Squirting has nothing to do with the intensity of the orgasm. In fact, the women who do it are likely more focused on fulfilling the sexual fantasies of their male sex partners than actually enjoying an orgasm. Many sex therapists actually think that straining to squirt can ultimately damage the pelvic muscles.”

And for all those wondering, when the contents of this fluid have been analyzed, it’s actually – yes – closer to pee than it is to female ejaculate.

Orgasms Can Cure Migraines!

Suffer from headaches? Try getting it on, be it with a partner, or with yourself! Sixty percent of migraine sufferers experienced moderate or complete relief after an orgasm, according to research published by the International Headache Society.

Neurologist and headache specialist at the University of Münster in Germany, Stefan Evers says to LiveScience, “There’s a portion of patients with migraines, about one-third, who experience relief from a migraine attack by sexual activity.” Various things from sunlight to lightning, can trigger migraines. “Meanwhile, about 1 percent of the population suffers from headaches caused by sex“, Evers continued. So I guess this cure doesn’t necessarily work for everyone!