Erectile Dysfunction (ED)

Erectile Dysfunction (Impotence): Symptoms, Signs, Causes & Treatment

Erectile Dysfunction or ED is something that isn’t really talked about at all, however it does affect a lot of men at some point in their lifetime. In case you’re unsure of what it is, it is when a man struggles to get hard.

Erectile dysfunction can be an embarrassing topic, particularly for young men, but it is important to bear in mind that the problem affects millions of other men, and that there are many treatment options available. It may not be something you feel comfortable discussing with your friends, but make sure you seek medical advice if you are worried.

In young men, ED is likely to be related to stress, or lifestyle choices, such as drinking and smoking too much, but occasionally it can be an early indicator that something a little more serious may be happening, so it’s important to investigate the problem.

When an older man experiences erectile dysfunction, there’s often a physical problem to blame. However, for guys in their 20’s and 30’s, it may be more of a psychological issue.

ED can also be stressful when considering your partners feelings, but erections do not equal desire. Equating erections with desire can create shame, pressure, and misunderstanding. So if you think you struggle with ED, speaking about it with your partner may be a step in the right direction.

The Stats/ About ED

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a condition that occurs when the penis does not receive enough blood to produce an erection that is capable of having sexual intercourse. For men with ED, this happens repeatedly and affects a man’s ability to sustain an active sex life.

Although ED is not as common in young men, it can affect about 25 percent of men under the age of 40. ED is more prevalent among older men, but it also affects younger men in large numbers.

About 75% of diagnosed cases of ED go untreated, due to men feeling a sense of embarrassment.

According to Heathline.com, ED has several potential physical and psychological causes. “In some cases, ED can be an early sign of a serious health condition. Heart problems, high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, hormonal disorders, additionally, an abnormally high or low thyroid hormone level can result in ED.” Young men who use steroids to help build muscle mass are also at a higher risk for ED.

T he NHS Website states that “Most men occasionally fail to get or keep an erection. It is usually caused by stress, tiredness, anxiety or drinking too much alcohol, and it’s nothing to worry about. If it happens more often, it may be caused by physical or emotional problems.”

Causes of Erectile Dysfunction

It used to be thought that ED was caused by psychological issues, or was simply a part of the ageing process, but today medical thinking has broadened its horizons and moved away from these ideas, realising that the condition has a range of causes.

Some common causes for ED are: chronic diseases, such as heart disease, and diabetes. (Men with diabetes are two to three times more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction.) Lifestyle choices: Smoking, drinking, and drug use can damage blood vessels, reducing blood flow to the penis. Medication: some over-the-counter, as well as prescription drugs, can have unexpected side effects, or clash with other medications.

However, the psychological side of ED is still very real. Causes can develop from: depression, stress, low self-esteem, and performance anxiety – which can all get in the way of achieving an erection.

According to Medzino, “Erectile dysfunction in your 20’s is likely caused by a psychological rather than a physical problem. You may simply be suffering from performance anxiety, and the tension you’re carrying because of this is affecting your ability to get or keep an erection.“

Anxiety is the most common cause of erectile dysfunction in young men. This can include nervousness about getting your partner pregnant, losing your erection while putting a condom on, or your sexual performance. This often creates a negative spiral, because failure to achieve an erection causes yet more anxiety and stress. Depression, anxiety and stress can also cause ED by reducing libido.

High blood pressure, cholesterol, smoking and diabetes can all lead to the narrowing of your blood vessels. This restricts blood flow to the penis and reduces the chance of getting a firm erection. Some common drugs can cause erectile dysfunction, such as those prescribed for depression, heart conditions and blood pressure. However, you should talk to your doctor before you stop taking them, or change them. Drinking heavily and using illegal drugs can also contribute towards erectile dysfunction in young men.

Stress related to jobs, money, and other life events can contribute to ED too. Relationship problems and poor communication with a partner can also cause sexual dysfunction in both men and women.

Treatment and Remedies

One of the first steps of treatment is to distinguish between physiological and psychological ED. The causes of ED widely vary and can be caused by psychological, neurological, or lifestyle issues. Additional lifestyle complications that some men might experience include: stress or anxiety around sexual performance, embarrassment or low self-esteem due to inability to perform.

Treatment for ED varies from person to person. Some men may find that improving their overall health may be enough to help the ED. Other people may require more treatment, such as relationship counselling, before they see any improvements. If lifestyle and relationship improvements are not sufficient to improve ED, doctors may recommend medications.

The NHS website states, “Medicine such as sildenafil (sold as Viagra) is also often used by doctors to treat erectile dysfunction. It’s also available from chemists. Because of changes in regulations, you no longer need a prescription to get sildenafil. But you’ll have to have a consultation with the pharmacist to make sure it’s safe for you to take it.”

Lloyd’s Pharmacy Online Doctor, Dr Gigi Taguri says, “There are four main prescription-only medicines which are used to treat erectile dysfunction in young men: Viagra (sildenafil), Cialis, Levitra and Spedra. You can purchase all of these erectile dysfunction medicines through our discreet online service. They all work in roughly the same way, by opening up the arteries which supply blood to the penis. This allows blood to fill the erectile tissue in the penis, and for an erection to be achieved and maintained.”

The Dangers of Viagra

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What young men should not do is take an ED drug like Viagra without a prescription, or mix them with other drugs. Just like any drug, Viagra does have its dangers.“This is a huge problem and not a safe practice,” says Penny Kaye Jensen, PhD, president of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners in an article for Everyday Health about young men that struggle with ED, she continues,

“Some young men are mixing ED drugs with mind-altering drugs, such as ecstasy or crystal methamphetamine. This is on the rise and is a potentially deadly combination.”

“There’s a reason the ED drugs are intended only for men who clearly need them,” Jensen concludes. “While considered safe, taking these medications in higher than prescribed doses can lead to serious complications.” Easy Health Options writes a great article explaining the dangers of taking Viagra when you don’t need it also.

If you have any causes for concern, contact your GP to talk about your issues and figure out what it is that may be preventing you from being able to maintain an erection. I hope this article has helped to give a bit of reassurance and an insight into erectile dysfunction and how to go about it. Click on the link to read my previous article on Sex and… Periods!

Sex and… Periods

Unless you’re especially squeamish or have a fear of blood, there’s no need to avoid sexual activity during your period. Though period sex can be a bit messy, it is safe. Period sex is one of those taboo subjects that no one wants to talk about, but deep down, everyone wants to know the deets – so what’s the real deal?

Can You Get Pregnant?

According to Heathline.com, your odds of conceiving are lower during your period, but it’s still possible to become pregnant at this time.

You’re most likely to get pregnant during ovulation, which happens about 14 days before your period starts. However, every woman’s cycle length is different, and the length of your cycle can change monthly. If you have a short menstrual cycle, your risk of getting pregnant during your period is higher.

The NHS official website states that, “while it’s very unlikely, it’s still possible to get pregnant if you have unprotected sex during your period. This is because some women ovulate early, and sperm can survive inside a woman’s body for up to 7 days.”

To reduce your odds of getting pregnant and catching an STI, have your partner wear a latex condom every time you have sex. If you or your partner are allergic to latex, there are other forms of protection you can use. You can also ask your pharmacist or doctor for recommendations.

Viruses like HIV or Hepatitis live in the blood, and they can spread through contact with infected menstrual blood, therefore you’re at a higher risk of contracting them when on your period, so use condoms to avoid this also.

How to Enjoy Period Sex

Not everyone enjoys period sex, so talk to your partner ahead of time and find out how they feel about it. Some religions and cultures don’t believe in having intercourse while a woman is on her period, and it is important to respect your partner’s feelings and beliefs. Any concerns should always be discussed beforehand so both partners know what they’re expecting, and can consent.

Research suggests that some women tend to find their libidos are highest at around the time they ovulate, while some say they notice heightened arousal during their periods (or right before). If you’re horny, a bit of blood shouldn’t stop you from having fun sex just like any other day, so get to it!

If you’re concerned about things getting messy, put a dark coloured towel down or go in the shower. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable. As for sex positions, missionary is probably the best for period sex as lying on your back can lessen blood flow. If your partner doesn’t feel comfortable entertaining foreplay whilst you’re on, make them get a toy out!

You shouldn’t have to lack pleasure because it’s your (perfectly natural) time of the month, that means head shouldn’t be off the cards either. To all you men out there reading this, you can eat pussy with a tampon in btw… Just make sure the tampon is taken out before intercourse, or else that will cause medical complications. The clitoris still works just fine too… don’t forget that!

However, the same rules apply to period sex as they do for any sex. Not into it? Don’t do it.

Period Sex Confessions

“When my ex was going down on me, he stopped briefly and looked at me. There was blood on his chin and I was like, “Oh my God -you’ve cut yourself!” Then I looked down and there was more blood and I didn’t realise where it came from until it hit me… My period decided to start at that very moment and I had never been so embarrassed.” K, 23, Brighton.

First of all, getting your period is nothing to be embarrassed about – it is perfectly natural. However I understand that coming on your period sooner than expected is a worry every woman faces, especially when it comes to the bedroom. However, if it’s a regular partner you should feel comfortable just jumping in the shower and continuing in there. These things happen! So to anybody else that has experienced this, or is fearful of experiencing this, remind yourself that periods are a perfectly normal thing and if your partner is a decent person – they won’t make you feel bad about it. Keep calm and carry on!

“So we were having sex in the dark and everything was great until the curtain opened a little and we saw the bloodied hand prints all over both of us – and the wall. It turns out I had come on my period and we hadn’t noticed. He decided we were already covered so f*ck it… carry on! Then my nose decided to start bleeding so I was dripping blood from my nose on his chest as I was on top and bleeding from my vagina. Nice!” A, 27, Bristol.

This is a great confession, because besides the point of what happened – you just carried on! In most instances my advice is to just carry on as normal, a little bit of blood shouldn’t stop you from receiving and enjoying pleasure or else you’d spend a solid minimum of 25% of your life in chastity.

Things can get messy, but sex is messy! Sex isn’t perfect, and neither are humans. SHIT HAPPENS!

Happy 4/20! Stoner Sex : The Pros and Cons

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First of all, Happy 4/20 to all of the stoners out there reading this across the world. For those of you that don’t know, 4/20 is a worldwide concept that has been embraced since 1971. 4/20 is a global holiday for cannabis culture – an advocate day if you like – where people celebrate the plant. This day marks 4/20/2020, so today is a once in a lifetime for cannabis advocates out there. What are the benefits? What are the downsides? What’s the science behind it? The Pro’s and Con’s of stoner sex.

Stoner Sex can have many benefits when it comes to pleasure and the senses. We all know that, whether you smoke weed or not, marijuana is a relaxant that puts people in a said ‘zombie-like’ state. But is high sex really something to rave about? Let’s talk.

A Bit About Cannabis

The Cannabis plant has a history of medicinal use dating back thousands of years across many cultures. The plant can be used recreationally or medicinally for a variety of things, such as being able to reduce nausea and vomiting during chemotherapy, to improve appetite in people with HIV/AIDS, and to treat chronic pain and muscle spasms.

Cannabis is often divided into two categories – Indica and Sativa. Both types affect you in different ways. Sativas are known for their “head high,” an invigorating, energizing effect that can help reduce anxiety or stress and increase creativity and focus. However, Indicas are typically associated with full-body effects, such as increasing deep relaxation. Heathline.com states that users typically gravitate toward sativa products because they can help increase sensitivity, lift mood, and intensify orgasm. Though, no two people react alike.

Therefore, the type of weed you consume can have quite an affect on your overall experience when getting high and having sex.

The Science

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According to Ravishly.com , the CB1 receptor in the brain is affected when you smoke marijuana. This is a protein-initiated receptor in the brain, located in the central and peripheral nervous system.

It is activated naturally in the body but is also initiated by the compound THC. This receptor is directly linked to the reduction of pain and it can lead to a spike in sexual response by an increase in a sense of euphoria. Marijuana’s link to pain and nausea reduction is what has led many states to legalize it as a medicinal aid.

While cannabis is a safe substance, too much or the wrong method of intake can produce anxiety, which is detrimental to sex. Stress is one of the most common conditions medical marijuana is prescribed for. CBD has been shown to relieve anxiety, as has THC – in low doses. However, high amounts of THC can produce anxiety.

What is considered a large amount varies from person to person depending on your tolerance and metabolism.

The Pros of ‘High Sex’

A splurge in creativity, altered time and tactile perceptions have been the sexual benefits from using marijuana. In a book called Male Sexual Function: A Guide to Clinical Management by John Mulcahy he states that people’s objective’s change with the experience of being high when having sex,

“The majority of users describe more subjective benefits such as, greater enjoyment and satisfaction rather than objective benefits such as improved performance capabilities, however there are reports of enhanced sexual function when marijuana has been taken in the acute setting.”

Like previously mentioned, it’s commonly known that smoking often helps reduce anxiety, which is a major contributor to erectile dysfunction. So by being able to curb that symptom, it might bring you one step closer to lasting longer in bed.

Did you know that marijuana used to be used during interrogations as a ‘truth serum’? Well, you do now. Consider this fact your permission to tell it like it is during sex and give more directions. If an idea or fantasy pops into your head in the middle of sex, tell your partner what it is, and try it if you’re both down.

Now’s a great time to test out that new toy, or to try some sensation play due to your heightened senses. You probably don’t want to try anything too intense, like BDSM for the first time when you’re high, but a massage, an ice cube, a new vibrator … all of those sensations are going to feel even more heightened and intense when you’re stoned.

Cannabis.. An Aphrodisiac?

How smoking weed affects your vagina, sex [ARTICLE] - Pulse Nigeria

“Forget viagra, aphrodisiacs, sex dust, and ecstasy: Weed is the new tool for enhancing your sex life.” – Thrillist

It’s been shown that cannabis can act as an aphrodisiac, strengthening orgasms in women and boosting libido. “Sometimes when couples smoke marijuana, they take more time to have a fuller sensual experience and slow down, which would allow more time for vasocongestion (blood flow to genitals) and myotonia (muscular tension),” sex therapist Ian Kerner previously told Mic. He said weed can cause couples to feel “relaxed, comfortable and sexy, (which may) lead to a higher quality of orgasm.”

For centuries, marijuana has carried a reputation as an aphrodisiac and has even been referred to as the “foreplay drug”. For an article on Elite Daily, writer Sheena Sharma delves into her experience of stoned sex with a partner, who too, has never done it before. She expands on the sensualities felt, the length of the action, and the cotton mouth that comes with stoned sex. “Sex is one of those things where each moment and milli-moment should count. So from here on out, I’m definitely going to slow down my sexy time to live it up.”

The Cons

As for the cons, the main ones are anxiety and “cotton mouth”. According to Fatherly, “Cotton mouth” refers to the feeling of dryness that smoking can induce. That’s because THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, can actually block the glands that produce saliva. Of course, that symptom can usually be remedied with a tall glass of water. “But smoking can also cause other areas to dry up, and that doesn’t exactly cater to good sex. “Cotton vagina,” as it turns out, is also very much of a real thing. “

However Bustle.com disagrees to some length on the “cotton vagina” side of things, “Last year, there was a rumor going around that “cotton vagina” was a real thing. It turned out to be mostly a hoax, but the truth is, you do get more dehydrated when you’re stoned, and that might extend to your vagina. I’m a proponent of lube in general, but when you’re high, it is often a must. It will help you stay wet, and will also help you and your partner have all the slippery benefits of an hour of cunnilingus when you might be feeling a bit lazy (not that you should skip the hour of cunnilingus if that’s what you feel like. Definitely recommend that, too).”

Cannabis Lube and other Non-Smoking Methods

Marijuana is now far more than just a plant to be smoked, pot is hitting the market in loads of different forms, edibles, energy drinks, massage oils, and even lube. It’s reefer madness!

The most popular (and obvious) ways to use weed for sex are through smoking, vaping, edibles, and lube. Vaping is another option for the more health-conscious, and edibles are a tried and tested method of getting way more stoned than you had anticipated.

Seattle-based Chelsea Cebara, a budtender and sexpert offering sex and cannabis workshops, discusses to Thrillist, how best to use cannabis as an erotic tool. “When I talk about cannabis lube in the sex and weed workshops, the No. 1 question I get is, ‘Is it gonna get me high?’” Chelsea said. “The short answer is no, the long answer is… it’s possible.”

Instead of making you high, topical cannabis lube causes these areas to be more sensitive and calls your attention to them. “The effect really comes during orgasm, when you come longer and harder. The aphrodisiac effect is not so much a physical sensation, it’s more akin to the natural flushing and engorgement experienced when you’re turned on. Like being distractingly horny.”

Cannabis lube works through a process called micro-capillary dilation. “It means tiny areas of capillaries that flush with blood, the same reason your eyes flush red when you smoke. This affects areas that are highly vascular: like areolas, clitorises, glans, and vaginas, which tend to have very highly vascularized anatomy in comparison to penises and scrotum”.

As for the effects, its effects begin around the 20-minute mark and reach their height at about 40 minutes. “If you have access to that kind of patience, go ahead and do it,” Chelsea said.

Like Anything… Everyone is Different

The sexual effects of alcohol, cocaine, meth and other narcotics – you name it- are well-documented and predictable. But not marijuana. Its sexual effects are completely different for most people, you hear reports ranging from “I can’t stand having sex stoned,” to “I never have sex without it.”

In a survey conducted by Psychology Today they constructed that a majority of respondents said smoking before sex helps enhance the experience. Of course, that’s not always the case. Everyone and every experience is different. A minority of participants said smoking kills their libido. Others said it depends on the dose, the strain and their mood.

One of the survey participants stated that, “I find that indica shortly before sex is just unbeatable for mind-blowing lovemaking. Sativa should be avoided as it’s cerebral nature will make your mind wander.“

However, who says you need a partner? Masturbation is sex, and adding marijuana to your sensual self-care routine can potentially be one of the most effective ways to enjoy the plant’s erotic properties. Happy 4/20!

DD/LG

For years the “daddy” dynamic in relationships has remained almost entirely a secret phenomena to those outside of the BDSM sphere. In fact it even became a fashion trend at some point in the last few years, to call attractive older men “daddy” as part of an aesthetic, which Lana Del Ray is partly to blame for. Shockingly, there were 13/14 year old girls at the time referring to men whom they found attractive as “daddy”. This is disturbing because they don’t understand what they’re inciting. The Internet also has a huge part to play in glamourising and self-diagnosing ‘daddy issues’.

Once you move past the initial reactions and delve into the reasoning behind DD/LG, it’s not actually as strange as you might think. It builds on some very basic human instincts and emotions.

This kind of BDSM dynamic involves the submissive being treated as both princess and juvenile, being pampered and spoiled for her good behaviors and punished for her bad behaviours. And with the rise of men receiving this nickname, it’s time we start talking about what this really means.

What is DD/LG?

DD/LG stands for Daddy Dom and Little Girl, it’s a part of the BDSM community. The partner to a “daddy” is a “little girl.”

Kinkly.com defines the word ‘Daddy’ as, “In the world of BDSM, a daddy is a dominant male who takes on the role of a father-like figure. While daddies are often very domineering and authoritative, they are also usually very protective, much like a real father would be. This type of dominant figure in BDSM is most recognized in daddy and little girl relationships, where the little girls are actually adult women playing a role. During this type of age play, adult women may dress and behave just like little girls.”

With this kink, men take care of their “littles,” providing toys and discipline. The littles, in turn, bring a joyful, and childlike innocence to the relationship. The DDLG community is widely spoken about on Tumblr, where people express their desires to submit to a Daddy, or exploit their sexual relationship with their dominant/ submissive other online.

According to one report, slang use of the word “daddy” dates back to 1681, when prostitutes began adopting the term as a way to refer to their pimps. Pop culture has helped keep things alive since then.

The “Daddy” trend, of course, extends well beyond the heterosexual community. According to PornHub’s 2018 Year In Review report, searches for the term “Daddy” experienced significant growth on the PornHub Gay page. While it didn’t reach the ‘most searched’ status, “Daddy” did make it into the top five.

Why Do People Call Their Partner’s “Daddy”?

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The general consensus implies that women call their partners “daddy” because they are into submitting to male authority figures. As for the name, the dominant is of a higher power, therefore they often want to be referred to as a title such as sir/ master however, some use “Daddy”. But just to be clear, this isn’t because they want their actual dad to fuck them. One can assume the role of Daddy/Mommy or boy/boi/girl regardless of their actual age or gender.

Sex therapist Vanessa Marin says to VICE, “Yes, ‘daddy’ can mean ‘father,’ but we also use the word to indicate when someone is the boss, in charge, a protector, or doing a good job. That’s usually the meaning women are going for in the bedroom. It’s a bit of a 70s porn cliche. I’ve never run across a woman who called her partner ‘daddy’ because she genuinely liked fantasizing that he was her father.”

Calling your partner “daddy” isn’t incest, just as calling your partner “baby” does not suggest pedophilia. It’s not just men perpetuating this dynamic, either. According to PornHub’s analytic team, women are actually 96 percent more likely to search for “Dad” and “Daddy” compared to men.

A common theory many people hold is that those who enjoy DD/LG relationships have some level of childhood trauma that they are trying to make up for. This is an interesting consideration, as for some people, it can hold very true, and for others, it will be completely wrong.

‘Daddy Issues’

Urban Dictionary defines ‘daddy issues’ as – and I quote – “The result of a messed up relationship with one’s father, or having an absent father. Results in younger women chasing older men and even seeking mistreatment in some cases.”

A recent study in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences rebuffs the notion of daddy issues with regards to women dating older men, suggesting no difference in attachment styles. Despite this, the stereotype is rampant.

Isn’t It Pretty Much Pedophilia/ Incest?

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Despite what some may believe, acting as a ‘daddy’ has nothing to do with pedophilia, nor does it have anything to do with incest. It mimics the nurturing relationship between a father and child. A relationship with a ‘daddy’ is more about being able to let go of one’s responsibilities and let a warm, dominant figure take the reins.

Those outside of the kink community are often disgusted by this fetish as they think it feeds into a problem society has with sexualizing children. Sites that advocate BDSM more than not, feel the need to mention that the DD/LG sub-category of BDSM strictly DOES NOT promote incest or pedophilia. This is because both participants are consensual adults, who play on the dynamic of a bond between father and daughter as opposed to fantasizing about a relationship about their actual father or daughter. It’s an extended play on dominant and submissive.

A d/s relationship is based on authority, power and control. The submissive gives the authority to him. After he has authority, he exercises power and control over her. Always remember that authority is NEVER taken from the submissive. It is given to him. To read more about BDSM and the consensual practices surrounding it, click here.

Who Knew Pubes Could be So Political? The Bush: Pubic Hair – Yes or No?

Personally, when with a new partner, I always shave down there. However, that is only because it makes me feel more confident, I feel as though there’s just something sexy about being completely naked, bare, and exposed. However, that isn’t the case 100% of the time. I’m sure many other females can relate. Plus, removing hair can cause bumps, ingrown hairs, cuts etc… it’s a sensitive area (for both genders) and you need to look after it.

On the other hand, I can’t help but notice that not many men remove their hair down there? But of course, every woman they go with is expected to be pristine. Personally, I don’t really notice that much of a difference as to whether a man has shaved or not, but regardless it’s the same principle – pubic hair is still on your privates.

So just WHY are men so bothered about a woman being shaved/waxed, yet women seemingly… don’t care? Maybe porn has a part to play, in their vision of what a ‘perfect naked body’ should look like. Why is it that most porn star’s are bald down there? Do women maintain a bush primarily to defy modern society’s standards of what’s sexy? Or is it because they want one? And just why are women SO judged about this?!

The Female Bush

The female bush has been sexualized for years, and more so in the 70s where it was deemed as fashionable, which began influencing people’s sexual preferences. The bush was celebrated in every single porn magazine, meanwhile now it’s merely a section amongst many porn categories – I’d say pubic hair is regarded as more of a fetish nowadays.

Beauty standards surrounding pubic hair have come a long way in the last few years. Once viewed as taboo, having anything other than a Brazilian is finally losing its stigma. Shave, wax, trim, do nothing—the point is, the choice is yours.

But why do women want a bush? Yes, it’s less maintenance – but come on now – let’s talk about the real stuff. Speaking as a woman, a woman like many others, who has wondered what it would be like to have a ‘bush’ – just how do you do it?

How to Grow a Bush?

For those interested in growing a bush, Refinery29.com states that (obviously) you must stop shaving and waxing completely in order for the hair to grow. In order to maintain your bush, you can buy pubic hair oils or even beard oils to condition the hair making it smooth, but you must avoid using standard hair conditioning products.

Upon reflection, we should probably all stop shaving and let our hair grow out, but a bush isn’t always a possibility for some people. Not everyone can grow a bush! Having wanted to feel the sense of empowerment a bush can apparently give you, and being able to avoid shaving bumps, a writer for Medium.com tried to grow out a bush. The result? She couldn’t. Not everyone can. Read her bush journey here.

The Pro’s and Con’s of the Bush

Having a bush is actually very beneficial in terms of your health, New York City–based holistic gynecologist Dr. Eden Fromberg says to Vogue, “Pubic hair exists to protect our delicate areas and encourages a diverse and often quite healthy microbiome, which keeps us in balance while preventing infection.”

Growing a bush will also save you huge amounts of money, by not having to buy razors or book in for waxing treatments. Plus, it’s one less thing you have to maintain.

We all know that shaving can cause lumps, bumps, rashes and sometimes ingrown hairs, but your hair grows there to act as a protective layer. Having hair down there can reduce the risk of catching some STI’s, and avoids problems of unsanitary salons all together. Plus, if you’re not constantly shaving down there, you avoid the spiky regrowth stage!

According to Heathline.com, on the other side of things, having a bush can increase the risk of pubic lice, which are apparently now ‘going extinct’ due to the amount of people maintaining a full Hollywood and excessively grooming downstairs. The only other downside of having a bush is that those who groom are probably more likely to engage in, or receive oral sex. (However this isn’t necessarily true).

Removing Pubic Hair

Your genitals are an extremely sensitive area, which is why – in hindsight – you should leave it to its own devices. However, some of us gain confidence and a sexual prowess from being completely bald down there, but like anything you should be aware of the risks.

Clinical Professor at Yale University of Medicine, Dr. Mary Jane Minkin states that if you want to try grooming down there, always use a sharp razor on wet skin to lessen the chances of cutting yourself or getting razor burn. Also, you must NEVER use Nair or chemical hair removal creams around your genitals unless they’re specifically formulated for that area.

According to Heathline.com, 73 percent of guys and 55.6 percent of women favor hair removal before sex, and this really doesn’t surprise me. However, if shaving it bare before doing the tango makes you feel sexy, confident and free who is anyone to judge? Likewise, if growing your hair out makes you feel sexy, confident and free, who am I or anybody else to judge?

Some doctors even say that pubic hair acts like our vagina’s eyelashes or eyebrows in the way that it keeps unwanted dirt or bacteria from entering the body. It also acts as a barrier between the sensitive skin down there and friction-causing activities i.e. sex.

Is the Bush Making a Comeback?!

According to Glamour Magazine, a lot of celebrities have spoken out about their grooming habits in recent years due to the stigma attached to pubic hair decreasing. Celebrities such as, Amber Rose, Ashley Graham, Emma Watson, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Cameron Diaz, have all revealed they like to grow out their lady gardens.

Gwyneth Paltrow’s bush had to take a quick vacay when she wore a sheer dress to the Iron Man 3 premiere. “Well, let’s just say everyone went scrambling for a razor,” she shared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show in 2013. “I work a ’70s vibe…You know what I mean?“

Sex icon Cameron Diaz is also a pubic hair advocate, Diaz’s ‘The Body Book’, devotes an entire chapter to pubic hair, aptly titled “In Praise of Pubes.”

But while it seems that the au natural look is back, it is far more than a fad or trend resurrected from the ’70s. For many women in 2020, body hair has inherent social implications that range from self-love to fighting the patriarchy. The bush is deemed as a sense of female empowerment to do what YOU want to do with your body, whilst simultaneously embracing your natural-born sexuality. Who knew pubes could be so political?

P.s. Whilst bored in quarantine why not take a quiz to see ‘What Bush is Right for You?’ or read my most recent article about Anal Sex: Shit Happens. If you have any topics you would like to be covered on the blog, or any questions – don’t hesitate to get in touch or e-mail. All conversations are confidential and will be kept anonymous – shithappenstothebestofus@gmail.com

Anal Sex: Shit… Happens

Since reaching an Instagram milestone of 200 followers (@shshithappens), the inspiration behind the name of Shit Happens shall be revealed. The name comes not only from shit happening in the bedroom, but from actual SHIT happening. SHIT… HAPPENS! And if you want to engage in anal sex, then you best get used to that thought.

The main struggle I’ve faced is the lack of consideration in my partner when it comes to anal sex, which has since put me off engaging in it again. I presume most women have experienced this? Tried it once, and thought nope. Never again. You might not have even been able to get to the stage of actually trying it, because it just hurt too much.

Treat people how you want to be treated. If you were to be penetrated in your tiny sphincter would you want them just going straight in? No, you most definitely would not. Treat your partner’s arsehole how you would want yours treated. Plenty of lube, foreplay and communication is the key to fun anal sex!

Expectations Vs Reality

Despite what you may have seen in porn or heard from your friends, anal sex isn’t something that can be done without lots of lube lube, lots of foreplay and a hefty amount of communication. PLEASE DO NOT force entry into the back passage, this not only causes a sharp stinging pain that then proceeds to hurt for ten minutes, but it can also cause tears.

This is why anal sex puts you at a higher risk of contracting HIV because of the potential for blood on blood contact. So for your own safety, and your partners, wear a condom and make sure their arsehole is ready for you! Communication is key. “Does that hurt?”/ “Does that feel good?”/ “How is it?”/ “Are you comfortable?”/ “Can I go faster?” etc…

While yes, the ol’ “sorry I slipped and almost went into the wrong hole” happens sometimes, it’s unlikely that without a fuck ton of lube, your partner won’t be able to actually penetrate you all the way in.

The rumors are true: Anal does have the possibility of getting messy. Like anything sex related, when you’re swapping bodily fluids, unwrapping condoms, using lube, there’s the potential to stain or make a mess. If you want extra peace of mind, make sure the surface you and your partner engage on is comfortable and washable.

How to Make it Easier

You can make anal sex easier for yourself by anal training or gradually introducing larger and larger toys into your anus to train your muscles to get used to the feeling of something going up there.

But like any other sex act, if things start to hurt in a way that’s no longer fun, you should stop. Pain most commonly comes from anal fissures, or little tears in the tissue around the anus, which is very thin and delicate. A good way to remedy that is using lots of lube and starting with smaller objects, rather than big ones. Anal tears should heal within a few days but may cause a bit of mild discomfort when you’re going to the toilet.

Lube, Lube, LUBE!!!

Unlike the vagina, the anus lacks lubrication. When a woman is aroused, the vagina provides its own lubricant for sex. The anus, however, does not. That means you have to provide it. Penetration without lubrication can tear the delicate tissue inside the anus, which can lead to pain and bleeding. No “Oops! It slipped!” excuses here — as that would be a major violation of trust and consent.

When it comes to anal and lube, there’s plenty of options. The best lubes for anal sex are the thicker lubricants as they don’t dry out as quick.

PSA: DO NOT USE NUMBING CREAMS!!! Sex Educator Wendasha Jenkins Hall says to Cosmopolitan that you should, “Avoid numbing creams. I know they are tempting, but pain is your body’s way of letting you know something is wrong, if your anus is numb, you can’t tell if any of your activities are causing damage. You can’t feel if you need more lube or if your body is tightening up to the penetration or impact.”

Shit Happens.. Just Make Sure You Clean It Up

Medical Director Lauren Streitcher says to Women’s Health, “This is also why anal sex can be pleasurable- it gets your pelvic floor stimulated and contracting – which in turn will get you to poop.” If there’s poop there, there’s a chance it’ll make its way out.

How do you prevent any dark messes, you may wonder? If you have one anal sex mantra, let it be, “make sure you’re not due to poo”. Sexologist Juliet Allen states that to prevent any poop disasters, avoid eating fatty and spicy foods. If it does happen, your partner must appreciate it is a possible consequence of the act, and therefore, not make you feel embarrassed. Just clean yourselves up!

How to Have ‘Clean’ Anal Sex

Anal douching isn’t just for the gays! Anybody who wants to engage in anal play, and is worried about feces, douching will give you a bit of reassurance to say the least. Douching is basically the act of flushing your rectum out with water. You can use several objects to achieve this or just use a shower head, douching apparatus are further explained here.

Whether giving or receiving, male or female, precautions still need to be taken. You are at risk of Sexual Transmitted Infections anytime you engage in skin on skin contact, so to help prevent the transmission – use condoms! To read more about Condoms and Consent read here, even if a woman is pegging a man, STD’s can be carried on sex toys too.

Even if you’re monogamous, STI’s aside, using a condom prevents bacteria from the bowls spreading anywhere else, so yeah – just use a condom. You should never use the same condom from anal to vaginal penetration for obvious reasons.. No one wants poop in their vagina!

Pegging

Pegging is a fetish that has come more to the foreground in recent years, it is where a woman penetrates a man up his anus with a strap-on. If you’re interested in this, you should always engage in anal foreplay before you go in balls deep. Try having your partner rim you, and using a finger or two before using plenty of lube on you, and on the toy to assure the lubrication is there to insert the dildo – just as you would when preparing a woman for anal sex.

The thing with anal sex is people (mainly heterosexual men) think they can just go straight in. Urm, no? Just like pegging, it needs to be prepared. Just because it’s a woman’s arsehole doesn’t mean it’s any different to a man’s, in the way it functions. For pleasurable anal sex, a lot of lube and a lot of foreplay and patience is needed. If you don’t want to do any of that, then you’re not going to end up having anal sex.

If you’re thinking of trying anal sex for the first time, or trying it out again, Cosmopolitan have written a useful article on 15 Anal Sex Positions That Will Reinvent Going Back There. Be patient, be kind, and – mess aside – have fun!

The Foot Fetish

Now for some reason, a sense of dread goes through people when they hear ‘foot fetish’ and for others, well… they get excited. I think the sense of dread comes from the fear of the unknown most times, you don’t know what to expect, you don’t know if you will like it, and you don’t know what others – or your partner – may think afterwards.

Most of the time, the sense of disgust or dread is just from pure ignorance. You’re uneducated. That’s ok! Like any fetish, this isn’t going to be for everyone. You might not like it, and that is fine too. However, if you can understand it a bit more, perhaps your judgement of disgust – when you next come across someone with a foot fetish – will be no longer.

What is a Foot Fetish?

BigThink.com states that, “The most common answer to the question of how fetishes are formed is that a fetish is a learned response. For instance, when a neutral item (such as a shoe, for example) is paired with something arousing (a nude photo, for example), the previously neutral item is eventually associated with arousal and sexual excitement, eventually becoming a trigger for arousal.”

Heathline.com explains that, “A foot fetish is a sexual interest in feet. In other words, feet, toes, and ankles turn you on. This particular preference for feet can vary from person to person. Some people are turned on just by looking at feet. Others may find painted nails, jewelry, or other adornments appealing. Still, others get sexual satisfaction in foot treatments, such as massaging or worshiping feet.”

Why are People into Feet ?

Your partner having a foot fetish doesn’t mean they want to submit to a findom and pay her loads of money to worship her feet. I mean it might do, but not everyone’s fantasies are that extreme. Your feet are covered with nerve endings, and nerve endings equal greater, often more intense, sensations.

Some people just want to caress your feet along with the rest of your body, so they’re touching every part of you, making the contact (and whole experience) more sensual and intimate. Tickling, rubbing, and massaging may all feel immensely better on feet.

New York-based psychotherapist Dulcinea Pitagora a.k.a ‘The Kink Doctor’ says to Vice,

“The homunculus shows the parts of the body with the most sensory receptors, feet being one of those body parts with a massive amount of sensory receptors. Feet just so happen to be mapped very close to genitalia on the brain, so it also makes sense that there would be relatively frequent associations.” Foot fetishes could possibly result from cross-wiring in the brain between feet and the genital parts.

Pitagora also believes that foot fetishes aren’t predominantly a male-only fetish. We only presume that because of how heterosexual males are socialized to be the most vocal about their sexuality, in comparison to other minorities, who aren’t as confident in vocalising and acting on their sexual preferences.

Sigmund Freud claimed that people sexualize feet because they resemble penises. But I mean, each to their own.

How Common Are Foot Fetishes? The Stats.

The foot fetish is one of the most common, mainstream fetishes, and a lot more people are actually interested in feet than you think. Due to the bad reaction that usually comes with telling people they like feet (or any kink really) most people don’t reveal their desires, unless they’re comfortable with their partner. According to this study, they found that about half of the people they surveyed had a foot fetish.

Mens Health reached out to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, author of ‘Tell Me What You Want’ and whilst conducting research for his book, Lehmiller surveyed more than 4,000 Americans about their sexual fantasies. Among other things, he asked about fantasies pertaining to feet and toes. His research shows that, 5% are heterosexual women, 18% are heterosexual men, 11% are lesbian and bisexual women and 21% are gay and bisexual men.

Proving a theory that foot fetishes are a predominantly male orientated fetish, however like mentioned previously, women may not feel as comfortable expressing their sexual desires, creating inaccurate research (to an extent).

Sexual Paraphilia

However, sexual paraphilia can be prevalent with foot fetishes, as many other things. Sexual paraphilia is where a person gets a fixated sexual arousal off fantasizing about something that is frowned upon in society/ extreme. The person becomes dependent on that thing for their sole sexual gratification. Psychology Today defines paraphilia more in depth,

“A paraphilia is a condition in which a person’s sexual arousal and gratification depend on fantasizing about, and engaging in sexual behavior that is atypical and extreme. A paraphilia is considered a disorder when it causes distress or threatens to harm someone else. A paraphilia can revolve around a particular object (children, animals, underwear) or a particular behavior (inflicting pain, exposing oneself) but is distinguished by a preoccupation with the object or behavior to the point of being dependent on that object or behavior for sexual gratification. Most paraphilias are far more common in men than in women. The focus of a paraphilia is usually very specific and unchanging.”

What Pleasure do People Get From Foot Fetishes?

Fetishes—about feet or something else—are a “multi-sensory experience,” Lehmiller says: “Different people might find very different things arousing about their fetish object.”

Humiliation and Domination Aspect: The feet are at the bottom of your body and often when you worship someone, you bow to their feet. The same concept applies for people into feet and domination. They’re submitting to the person whose feet they’re worshiping, making a power exchange. Some people enjoy power play and feeling below others, and feet are just another part of their power play with their dominant other.

If your partner has expressed fondness for feet, and you want to help them with their fantasy, you can start by rubbing their genitals with your feet, (over their clothing perhaps) and build up from there. Your partner might want to massage your feet, which if you’re not ticklish, can be great. Your partner may also want to kiss your feet or suck your toes during intercourse, if you’re ok with this, then suggest it. Or even a foot job! Just figure out what you both like.

If you’ve expressed your feet desires and your partner doesn’t share the same interest in feet as you do, they may have other curiosities they’d like to explore. Being honest about your fetishes and desires can put into motion a virtuous cycle that lets you both find fun, new activities you both enjoy. So don’t be afraid, and talk to your partner!

To read about other fetishes like Ropeplay & Bondage or BDSM click here

Ropeplay and Bondage

What Is It?

Bondage is a part of the BDSM subculture, it is a fetish that has been interpreted in many ways all over the world and is a fun intro to kink. You can start by tying one person’s wrists together during foreplay and/or intercourse (and reverse it if you like). If you enjoy being restrained then progress on to more restrictive ties like a hog tie. Just have fun with it, and if you aren’t … then stop! P.s. This article won’t be covering self-bondage or suspension; as those will be separate articles.

Bondage is the practice of consensually physically, restraining, tying, or binding a partner for erotic or aesthetic pleasure. There have been many interpretations of bondage using a variety of different restraints such as, chains, rope, bandage, tape and cuffs (whether metal, leather, hand, or thumb). Shibari is a popular, more complicated form of rope-tying that originates from Japan, so if you want to get more creative you could always try Shibari Bondage.

Bondage is used to heighten sexual pleasure for both participants, the one tied is the submissive and the other is the dominant. Bondage can be pleasurable for both participants in various ways. The dominant will receive a sense of power over the submissive as they are restrained and they will therefore feel in full control. The submissive will get pleasure from the eviction of power and letting someone else take control, but for both the whole experience of tying someone up – and being tied up – can be very exciting and arousing.

Choose Your Weapon

You can purchase bondage rope which won’t cause any damage or burns to the skin, but there’s a range of different ropes you can use. Multi-filament, nylon, and hemp are common materials for rope. However, natural materials usually need some conditioning before use. Make sure the rope doesn’t have the potential to splinter, stretch or shrink.

Fetish and the Boundaries

Though increasingly common, BDSM is a fetish, therefore it isn’t for everyone. If your partner is interested in BDSM and wants to start doing it with you, and you don’t want to do it – you don’t have to. Consent also applies in this situation, if you feel uncomfortable doing it and your partner knows that, then you shouldn’t be forced to go through with it.

There are thousands of fetishes out there to be discovered, but some people just aren’t into kink, that’s ok, and you must respect that. However, most partners will want to please their other and try out new things, and that’s great! As long as both parties involved are happy to go ahead with the play, then that is fine.

Why Do People Enjoy it?

In an experience listed on Psychology Today, they say, “Some people have to be tied up to be free.” Sexual fetishes are often more than not, linked to an individual’s childhood and past experiences, and their personality. Frequently people of authoritarian figures, those with a lot of responsibility (in life and work), and the seemingly ‘alpha’ characters are submissive in the bedroom.

This is because when they are tied up, unable to move, they’re trusting someone else to take control for a change and are alleviated of all life’s stresses, whilst they’re there in that moment. The essential component is not the pain or bondage itself, but rather the knowledge that one person has complete control over the other, deciding what that person will hear, do, taste, touch, smell and feel.

Don’t get misconstrued though, there are a lot of people who are both domineering and controlling in both their actual life and in the bedroom. The dominant partner enjoys the power play because they feel in full control having someone submit to their every want and command.

Neurologist, Sigmund Freud believes that the desire to submit, arises from guilt feelings over the desire to dominate.

How To Do It Safely

When practicing BDSM it is always advised to have a ‘safe word’. A safe word is a word that when either participant says it, you know to stop whatever it is you’re doing – immediately. Therefore, even if you’re just experimenting with rope/bondage – make sure you have a safe word, as this allows play to stop straight away. Should you have been harmed in any way, or you’re just not feeling it anymore, then you have that comfort of mind to be able to stop the situation and get out of the ropes at any time.

Bondage is safer when conducted between sober, trusted partners who are fully aware of the risks involved and the precautions necessary to ensure safety, such as informed consent. DO NOT leave a bound person alone and always try to regularly ask your partner if they are ok throughout the practice.

Cosmopolitan has written a great article on rope bondage sex positions with visuals, to spur your imagination more when it comes to your rope-tying creativity. If you want to try some bondage, go ahead! But do it safely, and make sure your partner is ok with it too. Have fun!

If you have any questions or queries, or would like to get in touch with Shit Happens, don’t hesitate to e-mail us at shithappenstothebestofus@gmail.com