For years the “daddy” dynamic in relationships has remained almost entirely a secret phenomena to those outside of the BDSM sphere. In fact it even became a fashion trend at some point in the last few years, to call attractive older men “daddy” as part of an aesthetic, which Lana Del Ray is partly to blame for. Shockingly, there were 13/14 year old girls at the time referring to men whom they found attractive as “daddy”. This is disturbing because they don’t understand what they’re inciting. The Internet also has a huge part to play in glamourising and self-diagnosing ‘daddy issues’.

Once you move past the initial reactions and delve into the reasoning behind DD/LG, it’s not actually as strange as you might think. It builds on some very basic human instincts and emotions.

This kind of BDSM dynamic involves the submissive being treated as both princess and juvenile, being pampered and spoiled for her good behaviors and punished for her bad behaviours. And with the rise of men receiving this nickname, it’s time we start talking about what this really means.

What is DD/LG?

DD/LG stands for Daddy Dom and Little Girl, it’s a part of the BDSM community. The partner to a “daddy” is a “little girl.”

Kinkly.com defines the word ‘Daddy’ as, “In the world of BDSM, a daddy is a dominant male who takes on the role of a father-like figure. While daddies are often very domineering and authoritative, they are also usually very protective, much like a real father would be. This type of dominant figure in BDSM is most recognized in daddy and little girl relationships, where the little girls are actually adult women playing a role. During this type of age play, adult women may dress and behave just like little girls.”

With this kink, men take care of their “littles,” providing toys and discipline. The littles, in turn, bring a joyful, and childlike innocence to the relationship. The DDLG community is widely spoken about on Tumblr, where people express their desires to submit to a Daddy, or exploit their sexual relationship with their dominant/ submissive other online.

According to one report, slang use of the word “daddy” dates back to 1681, when prostitutes began adopting the term as a way to refer to their pimps. Pop culture has helped keep things alive since then.

The “Daddy” trend, of course, extends well beyond the heterosexual community. According to PornHub’s 2018 Year In Review report, searches for the term “Daddy” experienced significant growth on the PornHub Gay page. While it didn’t reach the ‘most searched’ status, “Daddy” did make it into the top five.

Why Do People Call Their Partner’s “Daddy”?

The general consensus implies that women call their partners “daddy” because they are into submitting to male authority figures. As for the name, the dominant is of a higher power, therefore they often want to be referred to as a title such as sir/ master however, some use “Daddy”. But just to be clear, this isn’t because they want their actual dad to fuck them. One can assume the role of Daddy/Mommy or boy/boi/girl regardless of their actual age or gender.

Sex therapist Vanessa Marin says to VICE, “Yes, ‘daddy’ can mean ‘father,’ but we also use the word to indicate when someone is the boss, in charge, a protector, or doing a good job. That’s usually the meaning women are going for in the bedroom. It’s a bit of a 70s porn cliche. I’ve never run across a woman who called her partner ‘daddy’ because she genuinely liked fantasizing that he was her father.”

Calling your partner “daddy” isn’t incest, just as calling your partner “baby” does not suggest pedophilia. It’s not just men perpetuating this dynamic, either. According to PornHub’s analytic team, women are actually 96 percent more likely to search for “Dad” and “Daddy” compared to men.

A common theory many people hold is that those who enjoy DD/LG relationships have some level of childhood trauma that they are trying to make up for. This is an interesting consideration, as for some people, it can hold very true, and for others, it will be completely wrong.

‘Daddy Issues’

Urban Dictionary defines ‘daddy issues’ as – and I quote – “The result of a messed up relationship with one’s father, or having an absent father. Results in younger women chasing older men and even seeking mistreatment in some cases.”

A recent study in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences rebuffs the notion of daddy issues with regards to women dating older men, suggesting no difference in attachment styles. Despite this, the stereotype is rampant.

Isn’t It Pretty Much Pedophilia/ Incest?

Despite what some may believe, acting as a ‘daddy’ has nothing to do with pedophilia, nor does it have anything to do with incest. It mimics the nurturing relationship between a father and child. A relationship with a ‘daddy’ is more about being able to let go of one’s responsibilities and let a warm, dominant figure take the reins.

Those outside of the kink community are often disgusted by this fetish as they think it feeds into a problem society has with sexualizing children. Sites that advocate BDSM more than not, feel the need to mention that the DD/LG sub-category of BDSM strictly DOES NOT promote incest or pedophilia. This is because both participants are consensual adults, who play on the dynamic of a bond between father and daughter as opposed to fantasizing about a relationship about their actual father or daughter. It’s an extended play on dominant and submissive.

A d/s relationship is based on authority, power and control. The submissive gives the authority to him. After he has authority, he exercises power and control over her. Always remember that authority is NEVER taken from the submissive. It is given to him. To read more about BDSM and the consensual practices surrounding it, click here.