Besides the debate that sex toys have become normalized for women and not men, I disagree. I think sex toys are still extremely taboo in today’s society – regardless of gender – and there’s still a notion of opinion regarding sex toys being ‘dirty’, ‘weird’, and ‘sexually deviant’ when in solo use, or deemed ‘unecessary’ when regarding couples sex. This opinion needs to change.
Single and Want a Sex Toy? There’s No Shame in the Sex Toy Game!
It’s 2020, we’re currently a part of a global pandemic which makes it near enough impossible for singletons to start forming relationships of any kind really. So just why is there still judgement and a stigma around masturbating with a device for assisted pleasure? What difference does it really make whether you wank with your fingers or with a clit vibrator? Likewise for men, why is it ‘disgusting’ or ‘weird’ for them to have a fleshlight? That’s just the female equivalent of having a dildo. Why do people feel the need to buy sex toys? Because they feel fucking good!!
Obviously, judgment of the use of sex toys more often than not comes from individuals that don’t use sex toys. “Why should we use them ?” some people may ask. Because they not only help to get you off, and heighten your orgasms, but they also help you to explore your own sensuality too. Using a sex toy is a guaranteed good experience, because you’re in 100% control as to how your body reacts and what’s going on, unlike the ‘real’ thing.
The thought of not having sex for six months makes me want to jump off the face of the planet, but being single, having a sex toy decreases the need for seeking sexual pleasure in another person. The stress free way to orgasm.. Do it on your own! I mean a sex toy cant pull your hair, choke you and fuck you all at the same time so they’re not a perfect replacement as such, but a good one nontheless. And probably one of the best investments you’ll ever make in your life.
Granted, the experience of using toys is different for each individual. For example, some women might prefer vibes on their clit, whilst others prefer a dildo inside of them, or someone agreeing to use a blindfold, but not handcuffs – preferences vary. However with a plethora of options out there, it would be rude to not try before you decide to form a negative opinion.
For those in relationships, just what is it with people, but mainly men, and their insecurities not wanting their partners using sex toys full stop? Some find it somewhat demeaning to their masculinity and may manipulate their partners into thinking that by using sex toys they are seeking sexual pleasure elsewhere. If this is ever the case, tell them to get stuffed. Toys over boys!
Why Sex Toys Are Good for Your Relationship
Some partners may feel insecure at the fact they feel as though they can’t pleasure their partner enough if they want to incorporate sex toys into their love life, however that is just not the case. Sex toys are more than just a bit of added fun. In fact women feel such a way about their partners knowing about their sex toys, a survey by the sex toy retailer TooTimid.com of over 1,413 women found out that 54 percent of them hide their sex toys from their partners.
This shows just how prevalent the taboo surrounding the sex toy stigma still is in today’s society. If you’re embarrassed or ashamed of your partner knowing about your masturbation habits, how is the stigma surrounding sex toys ever going to end? Women, especially, find it a lot harder to cum than men, using a toy just helps you to get there a little bit quicker.
Besides the popular myth that every woman can cum, and that women can cum at the click of a finger – that is simply not true. The female orgasm is a lot more complicated than that. Reciting from my article on The Female Orgasm and Squirting: the Truths, 75% of women can’t cum from penetration alone. Being able to orgasm depends a lot on foreplay for a woman, and heavily on clitoral stimulation in order to achieve it. Toys can be a great addition to foreplay, and really add to the experience as a whole.
Introducing toys to the bedroom, doesn’t mean your sex is boring and needs ‘spicing up’ it can be for many reasons. Being blindfolded can greatly diminish insecurities for some, and a small vibrator may be the thing that helps your partner reach the big ‘O’. Plus, toys aren’t just for fun: they can also assist those that struggle with erectile dysfunction, which is incredibly common. In fact, 1 in 4 men under the age of 40 experience erectile dysfunction (ED) in their life, meaning they can’t stay hard enough to finish sexual intercourse, and bringing some toys into the game can be a way to pass that.
The Sex Toy Stigma Against Men
Over at our Instagram handle @shshithappens I did a poll to see who uses sex toys – a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer was required. Most of the yes’ were women meanwhile most of the no’s were males which begs the questions; if toxic masculinity is the reason, the lack of sex toys on the market for men, or if they simply are not interested?
Vice states a fair point in terms of sex toy marketing, “Women were affirmed by the ‘Rabbit’ episode in Sex and the City, while men who use sex toys have their entire identity questioned. These days, erotic devices are tastefully marketed to suburban moms on vanilla lifestyle websites”
For solo sex, fleshlights can be incredibly satisfying for men, and can feel really good on the penis when filled with lube as it has the suction feeling of a vagina or anus depending on your preference, and then the wet feeling too – which the lube adds. However, like mentioned previously there’s often an assumption that follows when a man owns a sex toy for solo masturbation such as a fleshlight.
But why? It’s literally the dildo equivalent. If a man buys, or wants a fleshlight, so what? Sex toys are a way of exploring your own sensuality in full control and seeing what gets you off. A fleshlight creates a similar experience to a vagina, but at the same time it’s such a different experience because you’re in full control of every single sensation on your penis – unlike a vagina which behaves a lot differently. The same concept but two different experiences – just like using a dildo vs an actual penis. Fleshlights nowadays have developed and are incredibly innovative, not all look like vagina’s – some look more like machines. Masturbating with your hand or with a toy is no different, bar the sensation. For more information on sex toys for men head over to my Sex Toys article.
The Independent states, “The benefits of orgasm are huge for both physical and mental well-being, and recent research from Harvard Medical School has found that regular orgasms can reduce the risk of developing prostate cancer by 22 per cent, so anything that adds or enables an orgasm can only be a good thing.”
Overall, sex toys are nothing to be ashamed of. Whether you’re worried about your partner finding out, your dad finding your dildo or the postman seeing your non-discreet package… who gives a fuck? We all do it!
End the sex toy stigma!