Vaginas: How Much Do You Really Know?

Vaginas Aren’t A BluePrint!

Most of us have had Sex Ed classes and Biology lessons at school, but how much did they really teach you about vaginas beyond periods and its reproductive qualities? You’re never really taught about the pleasure a vagina can receive, and when to know when your vag is healthy or not – so hopefully this article will give you more of an insight into the magical world of vaginas.

There’s also a lot of myths and misinformation out there regarding orgasms and what a vagina should look and smell like, which may bring unnecessary shame and stress to many women out there, but you’re not alone! However, this article isn’t just for those with vaginas, it’s also for men that don’t know as much about vaginas as they should do. Porn is renowned for giving unrealistic expectations and a woman’s privates are amongst them.

Vagina’s aren’t a blueprint, like you see in porn.

What’s a Vulva?

Right, so a womans ‘bits’ isn’t just a vagina. In short – the vagina is the inside, and the vulva is all the bits on the outside which includes; the inner and outer labia, perineum, clitoris, urethra, and vaginal opening. The vagina is a 3- to 6-inch-long muscular canal that runs from your vulva to the cervix, the lower part of the uterus.

Labias Come in All Shapes and Sizes.

The labia majora, which are the external lips can vary from around 2.7 to 4.7 inches (7 to 12 cm) in length and the clitoris also ranges from about 0.1 to 1.3 inches (5 to 35 mm) in size but swells and enlarges if a woman is aroused.

Vaginas and Vulvas Can Also Change Colour

When you’re horny, blood rushes to your vulva and vagina. This can make the color of your skin in that area appear darker. Don’t worry though, it’ll go back to its normal shade after sexy time is over.

75% of Women Can’t Orgasm from Penetration Alone

75% of women can’t orgasm from penetration alone, that means only one-quarter of women reliably experience orgasm during intercourse – no matter how big your penis is, no matter how long it lasts, and no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship.

This statistic comes from a comprehensive analysis of 33 studies over the past 80 years by Elisabeth Lloyd in her book ‘The Case of the Female Orgasm’ (Harvard University Press).

Regardless of how shocking this low statistic may be for some, there’s actually some people out there who can experience both a vaginal and clitoral orgasm at the same time, also called a “blended orgasm,” which may sound rare but it’s totally possible for some. There are also plenty of perfectly healthy bodies that rarely or never get all the way to orgasm, especially via penetration. Read our article ‘The Female Orgasm and Squirting: The Truths’ to find out more about female orgasms.

Female Orgasms Aren’t What You Think They Are

Most orgasms aren’t earth-shattering and that’s ok (and they’ll probably be A LOT better doing them yourself). However the media and porn’s overly theatrical portrayal of what it looks like to have an orgasm has created an unrealistic standard for what an orgasm should be. The truth is, orgasms come in all shapes and sizes – and that means intense lip-biting, back-arching, or having your soul sucked out of your body doesn’t have to be involved (every time).

Some orgasms will be short and light, while others may feel more powerful and intense – I’m sure this is the same case for men also.

The Size and Location of Your Clitoris Can Matter for Orgasm

Studies have revealed that the anatomy may be key to female orgasm; the reason some people with vaginas have trouble orgasming during penetrative sex could be because of a relatively small clitoris that’s located a bit too far from the vaginal opening. So if you’ve got a small clit that’s relatively high up from your vaginal opening and you don’t orgasm during penetrative sex – that’s probably why.

Is the Female G-Spot a Lie?

According to a recent Cosmo investigation, a team of researchers officially coined the term “G-spot” in the early ’80s; they named the thing, which they described as a “sensitive small bean,” for German researcher Ernst Gräfenberg (yes, a man). And just like that, your most frustrating fake body part was born. Dozens of trials used surveys, pathologic specimens, imaging, and biochemical markers to try to pinpoint the elusive G-spot once and for all.

“I don’t think we have any evidence that the G-spot is a spot or a structure,” says Nicole Prause, PhD, a neuroscientist who studies orgasms and sexual arousal. “I’ve never understood why it was interpreted as some new sexual organ. You can’t standardise a vagina – there is no consistency across women as to where exactly we experience pleasure.”

The orgasm expert Prause continues, “For some women, there is sexual sensitivity where the G-spot is supposed to be. But for others, there’s none. Or it’s to the left. Or it’s in a few places. And that’s kind of the whole point. It’s all okay. It can all feel good.”

Yes Vaginas Can Tear When Giving Birth

Yes, vaginas can tear when giving birth, but it’s actually a really common thing. So common that up to 9 in every 10 first time mothers who have a vaginal birth will experience some sort of tear, graze or episiotomy.

Tears can occur inside the vagina or other parts of the vulva, including the labia. It is however, slightly less common for mothers who have had a vaginal birth before. These ‘injuries’ can be minor tears or a longer cut (called an episiotomy) made intentionally by a healthcare provider when, for example, the baby is positioned feet-first or the delivery needs to happen faster. Scary? Yes. Irreparable? Nope! Your vagina is resilient and due to ample blood supply, actually heals quicker than other parts of the body.

The A-Spot

We’ve all heard of the ‘G-spot’ , but have you heard of the A-spot? Also known as the anterior fornix erogenous zone, the A-spot is believed to be located deep inside the vagina, between the cervix and the bladder.

According to Medical News Today, the A-spot is a relatively new discovery by Malaysian researcher Dr. Chua Chee Ann. In a study, he reported that 10-15 minutes of A-spot stimulation led to instant orgasms and vaginal lubrication in 15 percent of women who reported pain and dryness during sexual intercourse.

There Is No Cherry to ‘Pop’

‘Popping the cherry’ otherwise known as losing your virginity and tearing your hymen, is actually a myth. Some women are born without one, but most people with vaginas are born with a hymen, a thin piece of skin that stretches across part of the vaginal opening. Despite what you may have heard, at no point in your life will this piece of skin ‘pop.’

Hymens often tear before a person ever has penetrative sex, during some unsexy activity like riding a horse or putting in a tampon. But it’s also common for the hymen to tear during sex, in which case a bit of blood is to be expected. Like anything body related, amount of blood etc will vary from person to person. But not having a hymen doesn’t mean you’re not a virgin and that you’ve had sex before – it’s merely a fake construct created by society. You can be a virgin and not have a hymen – for numerous reasons.

Vaginas Aren’t Supposed to Smell of Strawberries

Vaginas aren’t supposed to smell of strawberries, but they are supposed to have a smell. This should be common knowledge by now but it’s not. The bottom line? The vagina contains a highly specialised cult of bacteria that work 24/7 to keep your vaginal pH healthy and balanced and at an optimal level to ward off other hostile bacteria. And like other bacteria, these do have a smell. After all, the vagina self-cleanses, so let it do it’s thing. But if the odor becomes strong, unpleasant, or is accompanied with an unusual discharge, it’s time to see the doctor.

Vaginal Discharge is Totally Normal!

It’s totally normal to see discharge – which may be thin or thick, clear or white-ish – in your underwear at the end of the day (it can vary from person to person). This is the result of your vagina’s cleaning efforts. Cleaning techniques like douching are a bad idea because they can throw off this natural balance, leading to problems like bacterial vaginosis and infection. Discharge also changes throughout your cycle, right before your flow it’s creamier and thicker.

Dr. Boyle for Cosmopolitan says, “The change in your discharge during ovulation creates a hospitable environment for the sperm to travel up to the egg. If it ever itches, burns, smells foul, or looks like cottage cheese, see your gyno.”

Your Vagina Doesn’t ‘Fart’

All women have experienced it at one point or another: that embarrassing yet uncontrollable emission of air from the vagina, which is commonly known as “queefing.” Those little puffs of air that emerge from our lady parts are simply that – trapped air that is being released from the vaginal canal, and can commonly happen during sex if air gets trapped. They are not “farts” in the traditional sense because they are not waste gases, nor do they emit an unpleasant odor. Queefs really aren’t a big deal.

Vaginal Pain

There are two major causes of vaginal pain: Vaginismus, which causes the vaginal muscles to contract involuntarily, which can make it difficult or impossible to have sex, or even use a tampon. Read our article on Vaginismus – which also includes an anonymous confession – here. The other, characterised by vulva pain, burning, or sensitivity/discomfort so intense that direct touch is hard to bear, isVulvodynia. Vulvodynia cannot be linked to a specific cause, but the pain may or may not be triggered by touch and may be felt in one area or across the whole vulva. Us women don’t have it easy!

PEE AFTER SEX!

Too much action in a short period of time may leave you chafed or with a urinary tract infection. Fortunately, drinking extra fluids, cranberry juice in particular, and peeing post-sex can keep a UTI at bay.

Lots of Sex Won’t Stretch it Out.

Lots of sex won’t stretch it out, the vagina is incredibly elastic, so it always returns to its usual tightness after sex. Nor will it shrink if you go through a dry spell. At first, your vaginal muscles may be tense after weeks or month without sex or foreplay, but penetration shouldn’t be painful. You can strengthen it like any other muscle. Your pelvic floor muscles hold your vagina, uterus, rectum, and urethra in place. But doing kegels can strengthen the muscles surrounding your urethral and vaginal openings.

You Can Lift Weights with Your Vagina!!

If you are worried about your vagina potentially having ‘loosened’ then fear not – you can lift weights with your vagina! Have you ever heard of vaginal weightlifting? It is the act of inserting an ‘anchor’ into the vagina that’s attached to a weight on a string and it’s actually a proven way to strengthen your pelvic floor (makes the vagina ‘tighter’). There are also other methods of vaginal weightlifting such as kegels mentioned prior.

Sex and relationship coach Kim Anami is a vocal advocate for the exercise. She says stronger vaginal muscles can make sex last longer and feel better.

Hopefully you have learnt at least one new thing about vaginas through reading this artcle, check out our previous posts on the menu!

Nudity Can Empower Some and Modesty Can Empower Others: NUDES – What About Them?

Sending nudes has been a thing since the beginning of time, and more so since you could e-mail pictures. Nudes go way back, all the way over two thousand years ago in ancient Greece where they literally sculpted real-life nudes into statues. In recent times the naked body has been sexualised more and more, and coming in to the 20th century solidified the evolution of homosapians sex drives and sexual exploration all together. People began encapsulating the human body for not only art, but erotic use too, whether that be between two individuals or to be sold on.

As technology and humans have developed we can now take an immaculate renaissance photos of our bodies anywhere at any time with the click of a button. Like anything, when something becomes more accessible – you’re more likely to do it. Having access to mobile phones with installed cameras with insane quality and social media, it takes less than a minute to take and send a nude. It’s quick, it’s easy – but that’s the problem sometimes, you aren’t thinking about who you send it to. Further down the article will delve more into this.

I’m going to discuss revenge porn, how to protect yourself (more) online, the dangers of sending explicit photos online and the reasons why people do it. Why do you send nudes? Probably the same reason as the next person.

Are You Over 18?

Did you know that if you’re under the age of 18, and you send sexually explicit images of yourself, you can get done with distributing photos of child pornography – even though the images are of yourself?

Child Law Advice states, “In the UK the age of consent for sexual intercourse is 16. However, it is an offence to make, distribute, possess or show any indecent images of anyone aged under 18, even if the content was created with the consent of that young person. The law is contained in section 1 Protection of Children Act 1978.”

Likewise, the recipient of the image can also get done for being in possession of child pornography if the person in the images is under the age of 18. There’s a great series on BBC iPlayer called ‘Nudes’ about three young people who’s sex lives are shared online and their life is turned upside down after their private content goes public.

The Dangers of Sending Nudes Online

Ultimately most of us do know the dangers of sending nudes online and that is.. They can get out.

It’s a risk any way you look at it because everything online is forever – soon as you post anything – no matter if you delete it or it ‘disappears’ it’s somewhere there on the cloud and someone will be able to access it. The world is a scary place now due to the advancement of technology, thanks to the internet. Nothing seems sacred anymore. This article isn’t to stop you from sending nudes, nor is it saying you should be sending nudes it’s more of a third eye – don’t be ignorant to the possibilities. It’s all well and good thinking we live in a perfect world and you shouldn’t have to worry about these things, but we don’t and you do. You need to protect yourself.

Also, with the slip of your thumb you could end up posting it for everyone to see, or sending to the wrong person by accident – there’s always a risk involved.

So if you do send your significant other – or anybody else for that matter – explicit content just think about a few things before you do, and stay safe. Make sure you trust them, and if you don’t, either tell them you don’t trust them or just point blank refuse. Consent is consent no matter which way you look at it. If you say no, they don’t have the right to question that answer. No means no!

Things to Consider Before Sending Nudes

Do you trust this person?
Are you sending this nude because you want to? You aren’t being pressured into sending it are you?
Are you sending it with your face in? To avoid proof of identity when it comes to sending images, be aware if you have any tattoos/ birthmarks/ or any other significant marks on your body that you can be easily identified by. Therefore, if you do happen to send an explicit image, try to avoid including those. Likewise, your face – try and avoid sending images with your face in as you won’t be able to 100% identify it as you. Therefore if your images do get exposed, there’s no proof ultimately to prove that the content is of you.

What is Revenge Porn?

As it goes, we still have a long way to go on criminalising revenge porn, and I am personally disgusted at how the law handles it. But at least we are getting somewhere. On the 13th April 2015 Section 33 of the Criminal Justice and Courts Act 2015 came into force. This created a new criminal offence of disclosing private sexual photographs and films with intent to cause distress. This is more commonly known as revenge porn. Crucial to the offence are: (a) the lack of consent of the individual appearing in the photograph and film; and (b) the intent to cause that individual distress. The legislation made sharing of such images or films a specific offence in its own right and covered all social media platforms and electronic communication. A person who is found guilty of an offence of sharing sexual or private photographs or videos without consent can be sentenced to up to two years in prison or fined, or both. The punishment should definitely be higher considering the damage it can cause to someone’s livlihood. Revenge porn can destroy someone’s home life, family, relationships, career, future, everything! And no – it’s not their fault for the images being in the hands of the wrong person.

Revenge Porn – What Happens When Private Becomes Public?

Sharp rise in cases of 'revenge porn' | Scotland | The Sunday Times

Did you know revenge porn is illegal in the UK?

What to do if someone threatens to expose your private images – don’t fall into the blackmail. It is illegal. Keep record of all communication between you and your blackmailer. Also, if you choose to make a video of you having sex with someone and it’s to be kept between the two of you – it should be kept between the two of you. If that person consents to the act, they’re not consenting to it being shared as well. Just because you consent to one thing doesn’t mean you consent to whole array of other things. Learn more about consent on my Condoms and Consent article.

This also goes for hacking. Although there can be things to consider before you send an explicit image – revenge porn isn’t your fault. Just because you shared a photo or an intimate moment in confidence with someone, doesn’t mean that you consent to other people being able to see it.

Revenge Porn Laws

The law states that it is not revenge porn if the photograph or video is shared for the purposes of journalism. For example, a private photograph of you could be published in a newspaper as part of a news story if the person who shared the photograph reasonably believed it was in the public interest.

The law also states that it is not an offence for someone to share a photograph or video of you if they believed that it had already been shared or published, with your consent and that you had been paid. For example, if there is a photograph of you on a pornographic website, someone might see it and assume you have consented to it being posted and been paid for the photo. They might then share it with someone else. That is not an offence. However if the person who originally posted the image did so without your consent, they may be guilty of an offence.

Why Do People Send Nudes? Naked is Normal!

Body positivity and body confidence is not anything that should be shunned. Taking nude photos of yourself can increase confidence proportionally, and help with self-esteem and self-acceptance. You may not even be taking nudes to send to anybody else, maybe you take them because you want to feel good. Mood is also a dependent factor on whether someone may or may not want to send/receive nudes. We can’t pretend that sending nudes simply isn’t a thing – because it is – especially in this generation. But not everyone wants to see a dick pic at 7am in the morning – some may, but not all.

However, if you’ve ever been subject to revenge porn abuse, you may have a distorted version on the topic of taking and sending nudes now. Just because one person has betrayed your trust doesn’t mean that everyone in your life will behave in that way. Learn to love yourself again, and your body – in its full glory. If you don’t send nude pictures for whatever reason – that is your prerogative and you don’t need to explain yourself. Consent is the main thing in any sexual scenario and you have the right to your own privacy.

Likewise for those who want to embrace their nakedness online and in a public fashion you’re also well within your rights to do that, just bare in mind the dangers and risks that can surround in doing so. As they saying goes, “Nudity can empower some and modesty can empower others.” So whether you choose to send nudes or not – it doesn’t make a difference – we are all human and we have needs. Some want to send nudes, others don’t – that’s fine. Just respect other people’s decisions and if someone trusts you enough to send you explicit images or record a sex tape with you – don’t be a dick.

To get in touch with Shit Happens, e-mail us over at @shithappenstothebestofus@gmail.com

End the Sex Toy Stigma!

Besides the debate that sex toys have become normalized for women and not men, I disagree. I think sex toys are still extremely taboo in today’s society – regardless of gender – and there’s still a notion of opinion regarding sex toys being ‘dirty’, ‘weird’, and ‘sexually deviant’ when in solo use, or deemed ‘unecessary’ when regarding couples sex. This opinion needs to change.

Single and Want a Sex Toy? There’s No Shame in the Sex Toy Game!

It’s 2020, we’re currently a part of a global pandemic which makes it near enough impossible for singletons to start forming relationships of any kind really. So just why is there still judgement and a stigma around masturbating with a device for assisted pleasure? What difference does it really make whether you wank with your fingers or with a clit vibrator? Likewise for men, why is it ‘disgusting’ or ‘weird’ for them to have a fleshlight? That’s just the female equivalent of having a dildo. Why do people feel the need to buy sex toys? Because they feel fucking good!!

Obviously, judgment of the use of sex toys more often than not comes from individuals that don’t use sex toys. “Why should we use them ?” some people may ask. Because they not only help to get you off, and heighten your orgasms, but they also help you to explore your own sensuality too. Using a sex toy is a guaranteed good experience, because you’re in 100% control as to how your body reacts and what’s going on, unlike the ‘real’ thing.

The thought of not having sex for six months makes me want to jump off the face of the planet, but being single, having a sex toy decreases the need for seeking sexual pleasure in another person. The stress free way to orgasm.. Do it on your own! I mean a sex toy cant pull your hair, choke you and fuck you all at the same time so they’re not a perfect replacement as such, but a good one nontheless. And probably one of the best investments you’ll ever make in your life.

Granted, the experience of using toys is different for each individual. For example, some women might prefer vibes on their clit, whilst others prefer a dildo inside of them, or someone agreeing to use a blindfold, but not handcuffs – preferences vary. However with a plethora of options out there, it would be rude to not try before you decide to form a negative opinion.

For those in relationships, just what is it with people, but mainly men, and their insecurities not wanting their partners using sex toys full stop? Some find it somewhat demeaning to their masculinity and may manipulate their partners into thinking that by using sex toys they are seeking sexual pleasure elsewhere. If this is ever the case, tell them to get stuffed. Toys over boys!

Why Sex Toys Are Good for Your Relationship

BDSM heart, I love bdsm, Heart of BDSM accessories, vector illustration Stock Vector - 48071610 — Copyright : flyintospace

Some partners may feel insecure at the fact they feel as though they can’t pleasure their partner enough if they want to incorporate sex toys into their love life, however that is just not the case. Sex toys are more than just a bit of added fun. In fact women feel such a way about their partners knowing about their sex toys, a survey by the sex toy retailer TooTimid.com of over 1,413 women found out that 54 percent of them hide their sex toys from their partners.

This shows just how prevalent the taboo surrounding the sex toy stigma still is in today’s society. If you’re embarrassed or ashamed of your partner knowing about your masturbation habits, how is the stigma surrounding sex toys ever going to end? Women, especially, find it a lot harder to cum than men, using a toy just helps you to get there a little bit quicker.

Besides the popular myth that every woman can cum, and that women can cum at the click of a finger – that is simply not true. The female orgasm is a lot more complicated than that. Reciting from my article on The Female Orgasm and Squirting: the Truth s, 75% of women can’t cum from penetration alone. Being able to orgasm depends a lot on foreplay for a woman, and heavily on clitoral stimulation in order to achieve it. Toys can be a great addition to foreplay, and really add to the experience as a whole.

Introducing toys to the bedroom, doesn’t mean your sex is boring and needs ‘spicing up’ it can be for many reasons. Being blindfolded can greatly diminish insecurities for some, and a small vibrator may be the thing that helps your partner reach the big ‘O’. Plus, toys aren’t just for fun: they can also assist those that struggle with erectile dysfunction, which is incredibly common. In fact, 1 in 4 men under the age of 40 experience erectile dysfunction (ED) in their life, meaning they can’t stay hard enough to finish sexual intercourse, and bringing some toys into the game can be a way to pass that.

The Sex Toy Stigma Against Men

Sex Toys Erotic Love And Sex Doll Masturbation Rubber Handcuffs ... — Copyright : alexutemov

Over at our Instagram handle @shshithappens I did a poll to see who uses sex toys – a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer was required. Most of the yes’ were women meanwhile most of the no’s were males which begs the questions; if toxic masculinity is the reason, the lack of sex toys on the market for men, or if they simply are not interested?

Vice states a fair point in terms of sex toy marketing, “Women were affirmed by the ‘Rabbit’ episode in Sex and the City, while men who use sex toys have their entire identity questioned. These days, erotic devices are tastefully marketed to suburban moms on vanilla lifestyle websites”

For solo sex, fleshlights can be incredibly satisfying for men, and can feel really good on the penis when filled with lube as it has the suction feeling of a vagina or anus depending on your preference, and then the wet feeling too – which the lube adds. However, like mentioned previously there’s often an assumption that follows when a man owns a sex toy for solo masturbation such as a fleshlight.

But why? It’s literally the dildo equivalent. If a man buys, or wants a fleshlight, so what? Sex toys are a way of exploring your own sensuality in full control and seeing what gets you off. A fleshlight creates a similar experience to a vagina, but at the same time it’s such a different experience because you’re in full control of every single sensation on your penis – unlike a vagina which behaves a lot differently. The same concept but two different experiences – just like using a dildo vs an actual penis. Fleshlights nowadays have developed and are incredibly innovative, not all look like vagina’s – some look more like machines. Masturbating with your hand or with a toy is no different, bar the sensation. For more information on sex toys for men head over to my Sex Toys article.

T he Independent states, “The benefits of orgasm are huge for both physical and mental well-being, and recent research from Harvard Medical School has found that regular orgasms can reduce the risk of developing prostate cancer by 22 per cent, so anything that adds or enables an orgasm can only be a good thing.”

Overall, sex toys are nothing to be ashamed of. Whether you’re worried about your partner finding out, your dad finding your dildo or the postman seeing your non-discreet package… who gives a fuck? We all do it!

End the sex toy stigma!

Everything Wrong With PORN.

Thanks to the internet, accessing pornography is easier than ever. The days have gone of surreptitiously buying x-rated films and top-shelf magazines from seedy sex shops and corner stores. In 2019 there were over 42 billion visits to Pornhub, which means there was an average of 115 million visits per day. So if you’ve been indulging in a bit of cheeky pornography, you’re certainly not alone.

It is, however, important to recognise that pornography is a form of entertainment. And just like Hollywood movies, real life is far removed from what happens on set. A study from Dr.Felix consisting of 10,000 porn stars was taken to compare porn vs reality, and the data images shown in the article are extracted from this.

There are a lot of things that are wrong with porn, and the reason I say wrong is because of how people are influenced by porn. Like stated prior, porn is simply a form of entertainment. This article will cover the lack of foreplay shown during porn, the pressure on men to last long in bed, the ‘perfect’ body image, the huge lack of condoms, the sexualisation of lesbians, non-existent pubic hair, and the sexpectations porn gives the ordinary person.

Lack of Foreplay

Foreplay in porn often lasts for no time at all, and can even be edited out completely. Female porn stars always seem ready and raring to go from the off. However, for most women, foreplay is the key to good sex. According to a 2017 online survey by FPA, 83.2% of women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, and almost 80% said they couldn’t climax from penetrative sex alone. So foreplay is pretty important when it comes to being able to get a woman off.

In nigh-on every single porno, every woman seems to orgasm at least once – regardless of foreplay. This can mislead both men and women into thinking this is the reality, when it’s not. Porn is a film, it is directed, it is edited, everything is made to look as good as it possibly can to its target audience – it is NOT reality.

This leads to women thinking there’s something wrong with them for not reaching orgasm, when it’s perfectly normal if they don’t. Meanwhile porn influences men to believe that women find it easy to orgasm, and put pressure on their partner to orgasm. If you read my article, The Female Orgasm and Squirting: The Truths, that explains in more depth about the female orgasm and how both males and females perceive it and the realities surrounding it.

Lack of Condoms

Why does nobody wear condoms in porn? Considering porn advocates sex you would think the people in the industry would use their power to advocate safe and consensual sex? Especially considering how many young people watch porn.

Most people begin to watch porn when they start going through puberty, as they then start getting sexually inquisitive. The average age for a girl starting puberty is 11 and the average age for a boy is 12 according to the NHS. Porn is so easily accessible, and straight off the back, these kids aren’t even going to know about condom use when it comes to becoming sexually active as they get older – unless they’re taught. Even then, the way porn normalises unprotected sex is definitely influencing young and naive teens all across the world.

Condoms not only protect you from getting pregnant but they also help protect against STI’s and if you’re having sex with no cover on you’re at a much high risk than you are with one on. WEAR CONDOMS!! Another problem with this, is that men especially, when they start having sex, if they don’t use condoms from the off, they get used to this idea of wanting to ‘feel’ the inside of a woman and therefore with every sexual encounter they don’t want to use a condom because porn has normalised unprotected sex so much that people think it’s weird/ unsexy to use a condom.

If both partners are monogamous and the female is on contraception then yes, you don’t necessarily have to use condoms every time you have sex. However, if you’re with a new partner or sleeping with multiple people you should ALWAYS use a condom. To read more on condoms, you can read my Condoms and Consent article.

The Pressure on Men to Last Long in Bed

The NHS states that a man on average lasts five and a half minutes during a round of intercourse. Men watching porn can feel ashamed that they don’t last as long as male porn stars when, in reality, male porn stars often use Viagra and other treatments to stay erect for longer, and they often stop and start in between film takes.

The ‘Perfect’ Body

There’s a huge lack of diversity in mainstream porn regarding, age, hair colour, skin colour, body shapes and sizes. Regarding to Dr.Felix’s research (picture above), there is an interesting disparity in bra sizes. While the ‘blonde-hair, big-boob’ stereotype of porn actresses persists, the typical porn star is brunette and actually has the same bra size as the average woman of 20 years ago. In reality, the average bra size is a 34DD today, compared to 34B in 1992.

Porn vaginas all look like a perfect blueprint. Many female porn stars have surgery to give themselves ‘designer vaginas’ when in reality, vaginas come in all shapes and sizes, and there’s no such thing as a perfect one – plus everyone has different preferences.

If you’re sick of mainstream porn, you’re in luck because ‘feminist porn’ is now a thing. Feminist porn hires a plethora of diverse porn stars, so you can enjoy wanking over more relatable people and sex scenarios. Feminist porn creator Tristan Taormino describes to Cosmopolitan in depth, what feminist porn is and how to find it, “Feminist porn features minorities underrepresented in mainstream porn, so you may see people of different gender identities and expressions, races, body types, or abilities. Those differences will not be fetishized or stereotyped as some mainstream porn does (with race for example).” Plus, feminist porn tends to feature actual female orgasms – not faked.

GIGANTIC Phallus’s

Apparently unless you have a giant cock, a woman won’t be pleasured by you (according to porn anyway). Whether it’s really thick, really long or (mainly) both – porn stars often have a lot larger phallus than the ordinary man. This can put pressure on both women’s expectations and a mans confidence when it comes to getting down and dirty. However male porn stars are often hired for that reason – because they have a big piece. Plus, camera angles can make a penis look larger than it actually is – however this can make men think that size matters and that only big cocks can give pleasure. In real life, great sex has a lot more to do with what you do with it, rather than the size of it. It’s all about how you use it.

Muscles and lean figures feature a lot in porn, with the typical porn actor sporting the desirable inverted triangle shape – broad shoulders and a tapered waist. In reality, most men have a rectangular figure, featuring a flat torso and minor change in shape.

Both men and women should avoid comparing their bodies to a porn star’s. Like models, they are paid to look a certain way. Women may go for the god-like muscly figure in porn, but the truth is that nothing is sexier than being comfortable in your own skin.

Pubic Hair – Where Is It ??

It seems you only get the bush if you ask for it on porn, otherwise all mainstream videos are traditionally smooth bald patches. Women aren’t always shaved when it comes to sex, because sometimes sex is random, most women aren’t having sex to be performing on camera and get paid.

I can appreciate pubic hair has become unfashionable in a sense now, but it shouldn’t make someone less desired if they choose to keep it. As mentioned in my article about The Female Bush, it states that pubic lice are apparently now ‘going extinct’ due to the hefty amount of people maintaining a full Hollywood and excessively grooming downstairs. Being fully shaved is hugely influenced from the porn star aesthetic of not a speck of pube on their groin area. But most people have pubes, so where’s their representation on porn? Other than in a fetish category.

The Sexualisation of Lesbians

Lesbians have long been sexualised by society. Lesbians are women who are attracted to other women, if they fancied men they would be bisexual. So why do so many men enjoy the thought of sexually entertaining two lesbians that would be completely uninterested in them in real life? Why is there so much lesbian porn that involves men?

Unfortunately for those men, lesbians definitely don’t want or need their cock in order to have a good time. In fact, the high lesbian orgasm rates prove it. According to a study, amongst women, lesbians orgasm most when sexually intimate – with 86% reporting that they usually or always do. This is followed by bisexual women – a large drop down at 66% – and finally straight women at 65%. It seems when a man is added into the mix, the likelihood of orgasm significantly decreases for women.

Sexpectations

Sex can be clumsy, messy, slippery, awkward and even boring sometimes. Never have expectations for your first time to look like a porn scene or a sex scene off a rom-com, because it is highly unlikely that is what you’ll experience.

Fitting in with the sexpectations category is the literal sex expectations that have been created by porn – anal being a prime example. This data shows you the top ten sex acts done by women in porn vs top ten sex acts done by women in reality – and the proof is in the pudding. Women on porn do anything they’re told to do (according to the viewer) however that’s not what most women want.

Porn is a fantasy, and with fantasies, most people don’t bring it into their real life. Just because a woman on porn does double penetration doesn’t mean every woman is happy to do that. Every person is an individual, don’t let porn manipulate you into having high expectations for people’s boundaries – everything should be consensual, and talked about before if needs be. Never go into a sexual engagement with expectations, especially expectations that have been influenced from porn.

Basically, porn films are just that – films – and, just like any other film, the truth can often be sacrificed for a story line. If you take everything with a pinch of salt and instead get to know the real facts, you’ll be well on your way to a healthy, happy and fulfilling sex life. Enjoy porn for what is it – but just know that it’s not real – it’s just designed to make you think it’s real whilst you’re watching it.

Fire and Ice: A Guide To Temperature Play

Credit: *pxfuel (https://www.pxfuel.com/en/free-photo-xtick)*

What is Temperature Play?

To put it simply, it’s a technique often used (but not exclusively) in BDSM as well as ‘vanilla’ foreplay that uses heat or cold to stimulate the skin and provoke a sensual reaction. Temperature play is often combined with blindfolding and/or bondage to heighten the sensation.

Cosmopolitan states, “The main aim of temperature play is to provoke arousal by using the skin’s neuroreceptors. Stimulation through heat or cold gives the body a rush of sensations that, during foreplay, is translated into arousal. Temperature play is especially fun for the receiver when hot and cold are combined together in unpredictable patterns.”

Fire

There are a variety of ways to incorporate heat and fire into your sex life, but like anything, work your way up to the more intense side of things and don’t just dive straight in. A common source of heat use during foreplay is wax, but make sure you use candles designed specifically for sensual play as household candles have varying melting points, (meaning you could get badly burned).

Massage candles like this French Vanilla Candle by Olivia’s Boudoir are specifically formulated to burn at lower temperatures than regular wax candles. Plus, they melt into a delicious-smelling oil that you can rub into your partner’s skin for a sensual massage. However, whilst massage candles are cooler than a candle you’d find in a shop – that doesn’t mean they aren’t hot — they’re just much less likely to burn your skin. So grab your favorite scent and settle in a for a hot night, literally.

If you’re using a regular candle, and not a massage oil candle, wax play can be dangerous. If you’re not careful, you could burn your skin with too-hot wax. Be sure to test your boundaries and start slowly. Start with wax that burns at lower temperatures, like soy or paraffin candles, and drop the wax from higher distances (it’ll cool down as it falls through the air). Once you get more comfortable, you can try a wax with a higher melting point, like beeswax or palm. You can also drop the wax closer to the body, which will make the heat more intense.

Some fun, hot and less dangerous methods involve melted chocolate or edible oil which can be heated to your satisfaction and licked off you, making it that all more enjoyable.

There’s a lot more you can do with temperature than you think, ranging from simple beginner tips to hardcore and slightly/very dangerous (which we don’t recommend unless you’re an expert!). For example, there are some more extreme forms of temperature play using fire such as cupping, or streaking.

For those wondering, ‘streaking’ is where fuel is applied directly to the skin, lit on fire, then extinguished before the skin starts to burn. Fire cupping involves soaking a cotton ball in almost pure alcohol, the cotton is then lit and placed into the cup and quickly removed, while the cup is placed on the skin. Fire cupping often leaves marks that can remain from a few hours to a few days.

Some other hardcore fire fun consists of branding, fire flogging, fire fleshing (similar to streaking), and more. However, as previously stated – this should be left entirely for the professionals due to the high risk involved.

Ice

When talking of temperature play, the first thing that often springs to mind for most people is your partner using a ice cube in their mouth to melt on to your naked body, but as hot (and cool) as that may be, there’s a lot more you can do with temperature play.

A fun way of experimenting with the cold sensation down there is by chewing a menthol chewing gum (Airways: menthol & eucalyptus for a stronger feeling) and either removing it or keeping it in your mouth during oral sex. It gives your genitals that tingling sensation that you get with ice, but just not as intense.

By using toys that retain the cold such as glass and metal, don’t hesitate to take advantage of that, and leave them resting in an ice bucket for that extra tingling sensation when it comes around to either pleasuring yourself or having someone else use the toys on you. However, you must always test the temperature on another area of skin (like your inner elbow) before using – this goes for both hot and cold ventures. If you don’t have a glass or metal sex toy, fear not – silicone sex toys work too!

While you can definitely use ice cubes during sex, there are both safe and potentially dangerous ways to do so. Speaking to Elite Daily, sex educator, Crista Anne states that before using ice on sensitive areas, let it thaw out slightly. “Set it aside in a bowl or cup for five to 10 minutes. While the ice is melting a bit, get things heated up for maximum sensation shift. Beyond safety, this will also allow the ice to slip and slide over skin. Ice sticking to sensitive areas can be damaging and painful,” she adds. In general, you should proceed with excessive caution when using ice internally. Ice should never be inserted for more than five minutes, according to Crista.

Frostbite is a real concern when using ice during sex. “Some people will find the cold slightly uncomfortable at first, but pain is a sign of trouble when it comes to ice play,” says Crista. “This is why communicating about the sensations you’re both feeling is so important. A ‘pins and needles’ sensation, burning, and stinging are all warning signs of frostbite. Visual cues mean you should stop immediately and get warm. Look out for excessive redness or even a blueish tint to the skin, which is rare, but possible. The person using the ice should also be aware of these signs, because the skin on the fingertips is sensitive as well. Keeping a washcloth in a bowl of warm water nearby is a good safety measure” advises Crista.

However cold foods can also be tantilizing during sex, one source recommended fresh cold watermelon. Just be careful with foods and especially anything sweet down there as you don’t want a yeast infection! But how fun does that sound?! Hard, cold watermelon brushed on your skin and then bit into so the juice explodes all over your body, running everywhere to be licked up. Mmmmmm…

Lube

Lube is everyone’s best friend! It can be incorporated to anything sex and is a versatile sex accessory, and you can also change the temperature of your lube for heightened orgasms. Holly Richmond, PhD and sex therapist states to Refinery29, “If lube is at body temperature, we’re not feeling it. All we’re feeling is the penetration or the vibration,” Dr. Richmond says. “But if you add that extra layer, that extra element of warmth or cool, that takes things to another sensory level. Stick your lube in the fridge for a few minutes to cool it down, or, get a lube warmer, such as a Touch or a Pulse.” Dr. Richmond suggests.

But be careful: Just like with your sex toys, you don’t want to get your lube too warm or too cold. Test a few drops on your wrist before using the lube just to check. There are lubes for just about everything, and that includes temperature play. Sensation lubes are handy to keep by your bedside. You can buy them from Durex such as the Durex Play Warming Lube and the Durex Tingling Lube.

Threesomes: Are They All They Make Out To Be?

“What struck me was that before this point it had never really occurred to me that threesomes were something that ‘regular’ people did. To me it was something left to the realms of pornography, celebrity, or perhaps those at the very fringes of society.” Ryan Scoats, ‘Understanding Threesomes; Gender, Sex, and Consensual Non-Monogamy’

The normality of threesomes is growing in popular culture. Regularly featured in a wide array of media publications and websites, there is a strong argument that threesomes have become a risqué, but nonetheless socially accepted, perhaps even expected, part of a contemporary young person’s sexual repertoire of experiences.

A lot of the articles online discussing threesomes delve into couples wanting a threesome, and how to go about who to choose, the do’s and don’ts, if you’re completely ready, it’s consensual from both sides of the spectrum, and whether to have it with a rando or a friend. There’s not actually much info on threesomes for single people, who are also interested in exploring that avenue. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to fuck a couple in order to have a threesome either, it can be done in MANY ways.

Why Have A Threesome?

Speaking to The Guardian, last year Dr Ryan Scoats of Coventry University published ‘Understanding Threesomes’ – the first in-depth study on threesomes in 30 years. He had found that the motivations went far beyond straightforward novelty-seeking, from ticking it off a sexual “bucket list”, to settling psychological debts – for example, by leveling the score with an unfaithful partner. One woman who had cheated on her husband in a threesome later repeated the experience with him as payback.

“It can be an absolute sex romp,” says Scoats. “It can be about power, it can be about fun and excitement, it can be about alcohol. It can be that it was just there, and ‘Why not?’ And it can be all of these things, and none of these things.”

Some study participants told Scoats that they had gone ahead with it primarily for someone else’s benefit – a motivation he termed “sexual altruism”. It might be that their partner had a threesome fantasy that they didn’t necessarily share, or that they wanted to act on same-sex attraction within a mixed-sex relationship (especially common among women).

Are You Comfortable?

The general consensus implied that threesomes with your friends, and people you know are a lot better than having it with rando’s, in more ways than one. The intimate experience shared between three people can bring you a lot closer, in ways you didn’t feel were possible. Rarely do threesomes actually take place with three complete total strangers. Another common threesome scenario is couples, where they bring in an added extra to their sex life, to spice things up a bit. That person is often referred to as a ‘unicorn’ in the sex world.

As much as I probably would have a threesome, and like the idea of it, I don’t quite know how I’d feel about a hot (random) couple suggesting the idea… I think I’d think it was a ploy to murder me and get paranoid – refraining me from engaging in the act. Which I guess is why threesomes with friends appeals to people a lot more, because it’s… safer? I guess?

Most females stated they would feel safer having a threesome FFM because it’s more intimidating with two men, and the woman would generally feel more comfortable in that situation with another woman, rather than another man.

Fi ndings suggest: that although some women perceived MMF threesomes to be potentially objectifying and unsafe, this referred to a very specific type of MMF threesome—ones that did NOT include men engaging in same-sex sex interaction. In contrast, threesomes which did include men who interacted together sexually were seen as less objectifying, safer, and a potential source of arousal.

Bringing A Third Into Your Relationship

Photo Credit: Axel Bueckert/Getty Images/EyeEm

Once you’ve decided your relationship can handle a ménage à trois, then comes the actual hard part: figuring out how to have a sexy, romantic, drama-free threesome. P.s. best friends and boyfriend do not mix.

“Attempting a three-way doesn’t necessarily mean you’re courting catastrophe. It can definitely open the door for things to get weird or go wrong, though. But as long as you’re both all in, you’ve built a solid foundation of trust and communication, and you all respect the safety of everyone involved, threesomes can be a whole new way to expand your sexual repertoire. Do you share a fantasy you feel safe exploring together? Are you equally comfortable with trying a tri? Or is one of you doing it just to please the other — or to fish the relationship out of the toilet?” Says Paul Joannides, PsyD and author of ‘The Guide to Getting It On‘, to Greatest.com. Joannides continues,

“Before you even begin to look for a third player, you need to be crystal clear with yourself – and your partner – about why you want to have a threesome in the first place.”

Apps like 3nder specialise in threesome connections. And some regular dating sites have options for polyamorous couples looking for ways to recruit another partner. Whether you’re seeking someone online or off, it’s probably good to avoid friends and former lovers, Joannides advises. There’s no need to re-open old wounds from previous broken relationships, or make things forever awkward with a friend because you now can’t un-see their O face.

Also, make sure you and your partner are feeling sexual chemistry with the third wheel, a threesome is not going to be enjoyable for everyone if there’s one person who’s just not into it. Metro states, “Same-sex threesomes like F/F/F and M/M/M are kind of easy. Everyone is (generally) attracted to each other. But if you’re in a F/M/M or M/F/F threesome, or two people aren’t attracted to each other, things can get tricky. More pressure is put on one person to please the other two – and it can be exhausting.” An anonymous source has very kindly written in to Shit Happens, and they also back up this concept,

Confession #1 “I was fifteen and I did it with a couple which resulted in their break-up“

“All of my threesomes have been spontaneous, I’ve done MMF, FFM, and FFF. My first experience wasn’t the best. I was fifteen and I did it with a couple which resulted in their break-up. It was sober, but not planned. I didn’t experiment with threesomes again until I was 18 and that was FFF, so I was way more into it. My most recent one was MMF, not sober in the slightest and it wasn’t awkward at all. However, I do believe that if one of the parties is shit in bed, then it lets the side down.” Anon, London, 23

‘Opening up’ a monogamous relationship is often perceived as a threat to its long-term stability, either by reflecting a weakened commitment or by giving rise to jealousy. That can certainly be the case, says cultural anthropologist and writer of ‘Plays Well in Groups: A Journey Through the World of Group Sex’, Katherine Frank. “You can’t control what happens with two people. What makes you think you could with three?”

“People say, ‘You need to overcome your jealousy’, and that can sound really great when you’re sober in the daylight, but a lot of sex is subconscious. Something can suddenly hit you: ‘He moved her hair in a certain way’ – those things can trigger a jealous response that’s not even rational, that may be fleeting or intense.”

In general, Frank cautions against having too many expectations of how threesomes might go, especially for the first time: “The fantasy almost never lives up to the reality.” Equally important: what won’t be happening? Everything is up for discussion here. Is kissing off the cards? Is penetration off the cards, or is it fine as long as no one ejaculates in anyone else? Whoever is invited into the bedroom with you should never leave feeling like they’ve caused the rift between the two people in a relationship to get bigger. Sex should be a pleasurable, positive experience for all parties involved.

Which Age Bracket Loves Threesomes the Most?

The truth is, many threesomes are driven by a desire for novelty. For younger people, the “consumer sexuality” view, may be to maximise their experience before settling down into a relationship. But ‘Tell Me What You Want’ author and sex researcher, Lehmiller’s data shows college students are actually the least likely group to fantasize about threesomes.

Instead, Lehmiller found, interest in threesomes peaked around aged 40 and remained high for about the next 20 years before declining. “Most of these people are in long-term, monogamous relationships, and they are looking at threesomes as a way of injecting novelty into their sex life,” he says.

Analytics of the porn streaming site ‘Pornhub’ shows that ‘threesome’ was the second most commonly viewed category of pornography by women in 2018, and the eighth most viewed category overall – across all viewers. (Porn Hub’s 2018 Year in Review, 2019). So is it really a surprise that so many people are up for bringing someone else into the mix?! It is a fantasy many people seem to get off on.

Food for Thought

Facilitating real-life threesomes has become easier with the creation of location-based smartphone apps such as Tinder, Grindr, and even some dedicated to finding threesomes, such as Feeld (formally 3nder), 3somer, and Trippple. Location-based apps allow users to find others looking for the same thing (be this dating, casual sex, etc.), sorted by geographical proximity so you can have fun wherever you are in the world!

As fun as threesomes seem, there is a lot of thinking that needs to go into it. Such as facilitating the correct use of protection when swapping partners, and… just when do they leave? GQ Magazine states, “Logically, you’ll want to have some cool-down and cleaning-off time, maybe offer them a drink, but, are they staying over? If they aren’t, and you don’t have good public transport links, are you paying for their Uber? If they are, are you making them breakfast? What are you allowed to do with your third while one of you is out of the room?” Just a few things to think about before engaging in your first threesome.

Confession #2 “ONE OF THE BEST SEX EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE!”

“It was a Tuesday, me and my friends ended up going on a spontaneous night out to an Irish bar (with plans to get home at a decent time). It got messy. We then met three guys (all in their thirties) with whom ended up coming back home with us.

We got back to the flat and got fucked up for a few hours. Normally I’m the first to go to bed, so I don’t have to be the one to kick anyone out, but because I liked one of the guys, I ended up being the last. Both of my flat mates went to bed and left me in the lounge – alone. One of the guys decided to go home. So it was just me and these two lads.

This is where it got a bit uncomfortable for me, as I wanted to take one of them to my room but the other guy was like “you go, and I’ll stay here and wait”. I thought, no way… that’s a bit weird? But then the other guy said “why don’t we both just fuck you then?” And because I’d never had a threesome before I thought, I’m fully up for this, I’m gonna do it! I think to start with I was quite dominant in who was where, and what I wanted. I never thought in a million years it would even happen!

So, next minute I’m sucking one of them off whilst the other one was fucking me. Then at one point, I actually was having anal and sex at the same time – and it was incredible! It went on for ages, all across the living room. I had never been chucked around so much in my life, and the sex was AMAZING! The two lads didn’t want to do anything to each other, so they just took in turns with me. I think we continued doing this till about 8am, and then when I woke up the next morning I realised I didn’t get either of their numbers and will probably never see them again. Gutted. But it is definitely up there as one of the best sex experiences of my life.” Anon, Sheffield, 22

THANK YOU!

I just want to use this post to thank everybody that has taken part so far in this new project of mine, and also I’d like to thank everybody that reads these articles and likes/ follows/ shares the page. Your interaction is SO appreciated. Don’t feel as though there’s anything you CAN’T talk about with me, my DM’s and e-mail is always open, as are my thoughts. Even if it’s just a general question and you want a second opinion, but you’re too embarrassed to ask friends or your partner – please don’t hesitate to get in touch. Our conversations will remain completely anonymous unless you request otherwise. Whilst you’re here why not read my most recent article? The Female Orgasm & Squirting: The Truths!

Oral Sex and How Sucking Dick Can Help Cure Depression

Oral Sex mini book by Beverly Cummings — Oral Sex Mini Book by Beverly Cummings

Oral sex… Where do I begin? Oral sex is using your mouth and tongue to stimulate your partner’s genitals or anus. Like all sex, different people enjoy different things. ‘Going down’, ‘rimming’ and ‘blow jobs’ are some of the many ways of describing oral sex.

Many people do enjoy oral sex as part of their sex life, but it is a very personal thing and not everybody likes it or chooses to do it. There are a whole variety of ways to lick, suck and stimulate someone. You may decide not to have oral sex at all, or you may enjoy experimenting with your partner to find out what gives you both pleasure.

It is important to talk to your partner so you can understand what you both enjoy and what you would prefer to avoid. It can take a while to work out what makes someone feel good. The best thing to do is to keep communicating with your partner. Ask them to tell you what feels nice and let them know when you are enjoying something.

Some women don’t like the taste of cum, which is fine – use a condom to give the blowjob or let him finish elsewhere. Likewise, if a man isn’t a big fan of giving head to a woman there’s plenty of flavoured lubes you can use and even a dental dam (explained further down in the article).

Below I’m going to expand on both male and female oral as well as rimming, how to (potentially) stimulate your partner more, fun oral sex facts, how to keep it safe, and the nitty gritty.

Fun Facts About Oral Sex

23 Oral Sex Positions You Need in Your Life - Best Oral Sex Positions

SWALLOWING CUM HELPS CURE DEPRESSION!

“Some studies have suggested that exposure to semen offers strange health benefits—like a reduced likelihood of preeclampsia or depression.”

Semen is best known for what’s not absorbed by the vagina, sperm, which swim through it on their way into the fallopian tubes where fertilization takes place. According to Psychology Today, “Sperm comprises only about 3 percent of semen. The rest is seminal fluid: mostly water, plus about 50 compounds: sugar (to nourish sperm), immuno-suppressants (to keep women’s immune systems from destroying sperm), and oddly, two female sex hormones, and many mood-elevating compounds: endorphins, estrone, prolactin, oxytocin, thyrotropin-releasing hormone, and serotonin.”

In a comparison between women who ‘always’, ‘usually, or ‘never’’ used condoms, those who were exposed to semen, showed significantly better mood—fewer depressive symptoms, and fewer bouts of depression. However, compared to women who had no intercourse at all, the semen-exposed women showed more elevated mood and less depression. So it appears quite possible that the antidepressants in semen might have a real mood-elevating effect

Speaking of cum, you know whose genital juice tastes like cookies and cream? No one’s! We all have a taste down there, and some people may be self-conscious. However, as long as you’re healthy and on top of your hygiene, you should taste fine. On the other hand, according to Health.com, if you’d like to sweeten your sauce, try eating: pineapple, papaya, nutmeg, cinnamon, or celery!

Can pineapple make you taste nicer? Though there are no scientific studies that prove this yet, Koushik Shaw, MD, of the Austin Urology Institute in Texas, also previously told Health.com that eating foods with higher sugar content, like fruit, could possibly make bodily fluids taste a little sweeter. But that effect wouldn’t be noticeable right away—especially not in men, since “prostate fluid in ejaculate can be made weeks or months before,” he said.

In a 2016 study in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, approximately 900 heterosexual college students took part. They found out that, slightly more women than men (59% as opposed to 52%) reported giving oral sex to their partner. Unsurprisingly, more men than women (63% versus 44%) reported receiving oral sex. Men were also less likely to reciprocate after women went down on them, breaking a major rule of sexual etiquette: 26% of women and only 10% of men reported giving oral sex but not receiving it.

How to Practice Safe Oral Sex

How to Use a Dental Dam | CDC — (What a dental dam looks like)

You should avoid oral sex if either of you has sores or cuts around your mouth, genitals or anus, or a bleeding or infection in your throat or mouth.

The best barrier method you can use when giving oral to someone with a vagina is a dental dam. This is a thin latex barrier that you place over the vulva. You can order dental dams online or use a condom to create an alternative. According to Health.com, “The key to making oral sex safe is to avoid mouth-to-genital contact and the transmission of any bodily fluids. Condoms, including flavoured varieties, can be used to perform oral sex on men. For going down on women, thin sheets of latex called dental dams can be purchased online or in sex-toy stores.”

If you don’t have a dental dam, use a DIY option. Plastic wrap can also do the trick, says Dr. Rosser. “You can even cut a condom open lengthwise and use that if you need to,” she adds.

Male Oral

How To Perform Fellatio - 30 Techniques For Wild Oral Sex Orgasms

He doesn’t need to ejaculate for a blowjob to be enjoyable. Many guys don’t actually want going down to be the main event. According to a Cosmo poll, 54 percent of men like oral action as foreplay alone.

A man’s penis is highly sensitive, so be gentle at first and slowly work up to a faster pace. You can try different tongue, mouth and head movements to see what works best, but never use your teeth. When you give a man oral sex you can stop at any time and it’s up to you to decide if you want to let him ejaculate (or cum) in your mouth. Of course, if he’s wearing a condom this isn’t an issue, and it means you will both be protected against sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Without trying internal prostate play via fingering or toys, did you know you can also stimulate a guy’s prostate externally? Cara Kovacs, a NYC-based sex coach, suggests stimulating your guy’s perineum (located between his anus and balls) by gently massaging him while going down on him.

Giving oral sex to men can be switched up in a lot of ways. Blow jobs aren’t just sucking dick. Spit, use your tongue, lick it, use the balls, and even use their ass if they like it (and you’re into it too). Get creative. Use your hands too, this will allow you to control how much of the penis goes into your mouth/throat and gives you more control whilst performing the act. Sex is better when wet and slippery.

Female Oral

Being stimulated in multiple areas will help a woman reach climax more quickly. So while your partner’s tongue is at work, have them play with your nipples at the same time. When playing with nipples, in the beginning your partner should be soft and as you get closer to climax they can squeeze (if you’re into that). Cunnilingus is often associated with licking, which is well and good, but suction on your clitoris can also be extremely feel-good. But be gentle. There are over 8000 nerve endings there after all!

When giving a female oral, gently part the outer lips of the vagina and look for the vaginal opening, and the clitoris just above it. In order to heighten the experience, see what you’re dealing with! By spreading the labia during cunnilingus, this way, your partner has the space to approach the clitoris from all angles and sides. In addition to this, Cosmopolitan recommends that you get your partner familiar with the KIVIN METHOD –

“Instead of having your partner approach your clit in the north end of their oral compass, have them lie perpendicularly, so your clit is now located in the east or west positions. This way, they can lick your clit from the new north to south, aka side-to-side, for what some say is a truly game-changing oral experience.”

Rimming

Performing oral sex on your partner’s anus (also known as rimming) can be part of any sexual relationship, whether gay, bisexual or straight. Avert recommends that “Before you begin, your partner may like it if you gently kiss and touch the area around the anus including the perineum (the area of skin between the genitals and the anus). You can then focus on the anus, circling your tongue around the outer area and finally inserting your tongue. Remember to listen to your partner and do what they enjoy, whether that’s licking, sucking or gently probing.”

Communication is key – during both – relationships and sex, so always figure out what you both enjoy, and listen to your partner. Avert also states that,

“If you are giving oral sex to a woman, don’t move from the anus to the vagina as this can transfer bacteria and cause infection. However, other STIs can easily be passed on during oral sex, in particular herpes, gonorrhoea and syphilis. Certain infections and viruses that are found in faeces (poo) can be passed on through oral–anal sex, this includes hepatitis A and E.coli.”

Extra Tips!

One of the hottest things to happen to me is have a guy cum solely off giving me oral sex. He didn’t touch himself once, nor did I touch him anywhere. Showing your partner you’re enjoying pleasuring them is a huge turn-on in itself, so don’t be afraid to show or tell them just how much you’re turned on.

Telling your partner they taste good, regardless of which gender you’re performing oral on will be a guaranteed turn-on, so get vocal! If they taste good, tell them! On the topic of being vocal, narrate what you’re doing/ planning on doing/ want to do to do to your partner, you’ll be surprised how much more you can arouse someone by just being that little bit more vocal.

Cosmopolitan have written an article on 35 ways to up your oral sex game (even more). They advise using sex toys during oral play, lube, sucking the clit, communicating your needs verbally with your partner, and many more tips. One of the tips being keeping undies on during oral / foreplay as it can be incredibly tantalizing for both sexes, the ultimate tease.

Also, with a little determination and imagination, you can turn pretty much any penetrative sex position into an oral sex position. Just like with intercourse, experimenting with new positions may crank up your chances of orgasm. Try out new positions when engaging in oral play, figure out what you like!