The Penis – How Much Do You Know?

Instagram via @shshithappens / FUN FACT: One testicle always hangs a little lower than the other so they don’t hit off each other when a man is moving.

Whatever you happen to call it – Cock, Dick, Willy, Schlong, Todger, Tom, or Jerry – the penis is a peculiar body part – but an incredibly vital body part nonetheless. The penis – just like the vagina – is essential to the survival of our species. When you consider the penis as an evolutionary adaptation, it has done remarkably well. All of us can say without too much doubt that our father’s penis worked, as did our grandfather’s, and his father’s, and so on, right back through successive generations until we reach far beyond the existence of mankind.

Memorialised in monuments, Greek statues, school-books and graffiti everywhere, the penis may be the most famous and arguably the most spoken about human organ on the planet. But despite it’s seemingly simple exterior, how much do you really know about penises? Given they’ve been swinging around for years, you might be surprised by just how many facts you never knew. So here goes!

Erections Are Complicated.

An average male experiences 11 erections per day, many of them while asleep. The average number of erections a man has during the night is nine lasting between 25-35 minutes. The standard male orgasm lasts six seconds, while women get an average of 23 seconds.

Achieving an erection is one of the most complex functions to happen in a man, Dr. Reitano says: “For starters, hormones must be released on demand, arteries need to carry six times more blood to the penis with perfect efficiency, the nervous system must transmit its signals without a hitch, and the mind must be working in perfect harmony with the body.” The ability to get and sustain an erection, he says, depends upon “a body that is perfectly tuned physically, psychologically, and emotionally.” The inability to achieve an erection, a.k.a. erectile dysfunction, is usually the first sign of poor health, according to Reitano.

According to Health, morning wood is a good sign: Waking up with a hard-on is a normal thing for guys; it has nothing to do with how horny he is but the biological fact that testosterone levels are highest in the a.m. If a man stops having morning erections, however, it could mean that something’s up with his health. Two weeks without one necessitates a trip to a doctor, suggests Dr. Reitano. You can read more about Erectile Dysfunction here.

You’re Born With One and You Can Die With One

That’s it…Erections! Did you know that it’s common for babies to exit the womb with an erection? You do now! Even before the moment of birth, ultrasound scans can show a fetus with a fully formed erection. Weird. According to a study from 1991, fetal erections occur most commonly during random eye movement (REM) sleep, and they can happen a number of times each hour. No one is quite sure why, but it might just be our body’s way of testing things out and keeping them running correctly.

The final erection: So, we’ve established that you can get erections in the womb and during sleep, but this is perhaps even more surprising: the death erection. Also called ‘angel lust’ or ‘terminal erection’, it happens in the moments after death. Most commonly, it occurs in men who have died from hanging.

How Many Times Do You Ejaculate on Average in a Lifetime?

The average man will experience around 7,200 ejaculations in his lifetime and the average number of times a man will ejaculate from masturbation in a lifetime is around 2,000.

Fun Fact – Fast & Furious: The average speed of ejaculation is 28 miles per hour.

The Angle of the Dangle

A man’s erection can point in pretty much any direction. Straight up, ahead, down, left or right – there’s no right or wrong. The data below comes from a study that measured the erections of 1,484 men. In the figures below, if the penis pointed directly up, it was measured as 0 degrees, and if it was forward-pointing (horizontal), it would be 90 degrees:

0–30 degrees – 4.9 percent of men

30–60 degrees – 29.6 percent of men

60–85 degrees – 30.9 percent of men

85–95 degrees – 9.9 percent of men

95–120 degrees – 19.8 percent of men

120–180 degrees – 4.9 percent of men

So, if you’ve ever been concerned that your wood is a bit ski-whiff, don’t worry – you’re normal.

Grower or a Show-er?

The average erect penis is about 5.56 inches (14 cm) long, according to a 2013 study detailed in the Journal of Sexual Medicine that surveyed 1,661 men. But variety is the spice of life, and men in that study had members that ranged from 1.6 inches (4cm) long to 10.2 inches (26 cm) long. So most penises are around the same size when erect which is actually between 6-7 inches (minus the anomolies).

When men are smaller or larger than average, it’s not by much. “Almost every man is between 4 and 6 inches, and maybe 15% of men have a penis over 7 inches in length,” Michael Reitano, MD, physician in residence at men’s health company Roman, tells Health.

A study on 274 men demonstrated that there is no correlation between the length of a flaccid penis and its erect size. Some start small and end up large (a grower), while some are large when flaccid and only grow a little when erect (a show-er). Some are even small whatever state they are in, and some are large when flaccid and get much larger. It’s a mixed bag. There’s no correlation between how big a guy is when he’s hanging loose and how large he is erect.

Penis anxiety is real and common: in a study published in September 2013 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, 30 percent of a sample of British men were very dissatisfied with their penis size. The study found no link, however, between size anxiety and actual penis size. Despite reports that lots of men worry about their penis size, they shouldn’t. 85% of women are said to be totally satisfied with their partner’s package. For those that still worry, here’s another reassuring thing: vaginas typically adjust themselves to any size or length. However, penile tissue can also become less elastic if a guy doesn’t get regular erections, meaning his penis could shrink by a centimeter or two if he doesn’t use it enough.

The Biggest and the Smallest

Who has the biggest human penis in the world? Reportedly, a man called Jonah Falcon from New York has the biggest schlong on record – 13.5 inches (although, not totally verified). JEEZ!

A study conducted by the University of Ulster found that men in the Democratic Republic of the Congo have the biggest average penis size in the world at 7.1 inches.

North Korea apparently has the smallest penises on average (3.8 inches). Only 3% of men worldwide are over 8 inches and only 6% of men actually need extra large condoms. So men that say their penis is too big to fit inside a condom… y’all probably lying.

Sucks to be Shrew: The shrew has the smallest penis of the animal kingdom, typically just 0.2 inches. The largest penis on the other hand, is from a sperm whale, standing at 6 feet tall and weighing nearly 150 pounds!

Can You Suck Yourself Off?

According to the sexologist Alfred Kinsey, who, during the 1940s conducted epic research into human sexuality – on average – one in a thousand men are flexible enough to orally pleasure themselves.

Drop the Cigs! Smoking Can Shorten Your Penis!

Because smoking reduces blood flow to the penis, it can shorten the average penis by up to 0.4 inches (1 cm), studies have found. It has also been proven that smoking increases men’s chances of impotency (erectile dysfunction). The solution? Stub it out, lads.

You Can Be Born with Two Penises

Very rarely, a man may be born with two penises, a genetic condition that affects every 5 million to 6 million males (around 100 men worldwide) and is known as diphallia. Unfortunately, this condition doesn’t mean double the fun: Both organs are rarely fully functional, and the condition often comes along with other anomalies in the genital area that require surgery to correct.

Are Uncircumcised Penises More Likely to Get STD’s?

Can being circumcised reduce your risk of contracting an STD? Well, apparently so. The foreskin’s inner surface is made up of mucous membranes similar to those found inside the eyelid or the mouth, making it a moist place. That unique environment could be responsible for the increased STD transmission rates associated with uncircumcised men in some studies. Circumcised penises are also a lot easier to keep clean in comparison, because there’s no extra skin to allow for build up of bacteria and dirt etc.

There’s this impression that only newborns get circumcised, but adult men can get circumcised too! However only 30% of men over the age of 15 have been circumcised. As for those wondering if your partner will notice the difference; experts say that not much changes for women in terms of feeling when they have sex with a man who is circumcised – and as a woman who has experienced both circumcised and uncircumcised – I can confirm this.

Foot Size = Penis Length?

Penis length is NOT linked to foot size: The idea that the size of your penis is in proportion to your shoe size is a myth. According to a study published in the British Journal of Urology International, researchers at University College London measured the penises of 104 men, including teenagers and pensioners. The average penis length in this group was 13cm (5.1 inches) when soft and gently stretched, and the average British shoe size was 9 (43 EU Size). But researchers found no link between shoe size and penis length.

‘Blue Balls’ is REAL.

The myth surrounding men getting blue balls is not entirely a fabrication. It does exist in science, and is known as “prostatic congestion,”. The common symptom of an ache in the testicles is a result of ‘trapped’ blood. An orgasm can relieve it, but it is not the only solution. Doctors suggest a nice warm shower or aspirin can also fix the issue.

There’s More to it Than Meets the Eye

A guy’s penis size is double the length you actually see. The rest is tucked up inside the pelvis and attached to his pubic bone.

You CAN Break Your Penis

Yes – if the penis is violently twisted when erect – it can break. It most commonly occurs during vigorous sex, although it has been documented to happen to men who have fallen out of bed with an erection. There are no bones in the penis, but the tubes that fill with blood during an erection can burst. Blood pours out of them inside the penis and causes a very painful swelling. The moment of fracture is accompanied by a popping or cracking sound, intense pain, swelling, and – unsurprisingly – flaccidity.

Reported cases of penile fracture are rare, but it’s thought that some men are too embarrassed to report it to their doctor. According to the NHS, damage during sex, where their partner is on top, is responsible for about one-third of all cases. The breakage usually occurs when a man’s penis slips out of his partner and is violently bent.

Thankfully, it doesn’t happen very often and, if it is treated swiftly, full function can be restored. As a note of caution, if this happens to you, don’t let embarrassment get the better of you. Go and get it sorted as soon as possible.

A Phobia of Penises

Phallophobia is the fear of a penis.

Can You Change the Taste of Your Cum?

Dr Shirin Larkhani, a general practitioner explains to Cosmopolitan that although semen taste can vary hugely from one person to another, there are certain things that can affect the taste of semen, Dr Larkhani says,

“Strong-tasting vegetables like cauliflower, broccoli, garlic and caffeine may make semen taste or smell unpleasant. Whereas pineapple, oranges and other sweet fruits may make it taste sweeter. This is largely due to how the enzymes in the food break down and affect proteins, thus impacting on the smell and taste.This is highly subjective though, just as our tastes vary with food it’s logical that our tastes in semen does too.” Off the Menu: According to Glamour, asparagus, red meat and dairy are all said to negatively affect the taste of semen.

The Penis is NOT a Muscle

Contrary to popular belief, the so-called love muscle does not contain any muscles. That’s why you cannot move it very much when it’s erect. The penis is a kind of sponge that fills with blood when a man is sexually excited, causing the penis to swell and stiffen.

Semen is More Than Just Sperm

(If you’ve ever had a facial) Have you noticed after washing cum off your face it’s super smooth? Well there’s a reason for that! Semen is made of about 96 percent water, 2 percent sperm, fructose (which nourishes sperm), vitamin C (which helps keep sperm healthy), sodium bicarbonate (which protects sperm from the acidic environment of a vagina), various proteins and enzymes, and minerals like magnesium, phosphorus, potassium and zinc. All of that goodness!

Having Sex Once a Week Can Lower Your Risk of Health Conditions!

Having sex at least once a week can lower a man’s risk of heart disease by 30%, stroke by 50%, and diabetes by 40%. Even more of a reason to be having more sex!

Everything Wrong With PORN.

Thanks to the internet, accessing pornography is easier than ever. The days have gone of surreptitiously buying x-rated films and top-shelf magazines from seedy sex shops and corner stores. In 2019 there were over 42 billion visits to Pornhub, which means there was an average of 115 million visits per day. So if you’ve been indulging in a bit of cheeky pornography, you’re certainly not alone.

It is, however, important to recognise that pornography is a form of entertainment. And just like Hollywood movies, real life is far removed from what happens on set. A study from Dr.Felix consisting of 10,000 porn stars was taken to compare porn vs reality, and the data images shown in the article are extracted from this.

There are a lot of things that are wrong with porn, and the reason I say wrong is because of how people are influenced by porn. Like stated prior, porn is simply a form of entertainment. This article will cover the lack of foreplay shown during porn, the pressure on men to last long in bed, the ‘perfect’ body image, the huge lack of condoms, the sexualisation of lesbians, non-existent pubic hair, and the sexpectations porn gives the ordinary person.

Lack of Foreplay

Foreplay in porn often lasts for no time at all, and can even be edited out completely. Female porn stars always seem ready and raring to go from the off. However, for most women, foreplay is the key to good sex. According to a 2017 online survey by FPA, 83.2% of women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, and almost 80% said they couldn’t climax from penetrative sex alone. So foreplay is pretty important when it comes to being able to get a woman off.

In nigh-on every single porno, every woman seems to orgasm at least once – regardless of foreplay. This can mislead both men and women into thinking this is the reality, when it’s not. Porn is a film, it is directed, it is edited, everything is made to look as good as it possibly can to its target audience – it is NOT reality.

This leads to women thinking there’s something wrong with them for not reaching orgasm, when it’s perfectly normal if they don’t. Meanwhile porn influences men to believe that women find it easy to orgasm, and put pressure on their partner to orgasm. If you read my article, The Female Orgasm and Squirting: The Truths, that explains in more depth about the female orgasm and how both males and females perceive it and the realities surrounding it.

Lack of Condoms

Why does nobody wear condoms in porn? Considering porn advocates sex you would think the people in the industry would use their power to advocate safe and consensual sex? Especially considering how many young people watch porn.

Most people begin to watch porn when they start going through puberty, as they then start getting sexually inquisitive. The average age for a girl starting puberty is 11 and the average age for a boy is 12 according to the NHS. Porn is so easily accessible, and straight off the back, these kids aren’t even going to know about condom use when it comes to becoming sexually active as they get older – unless they’re taught. Even then, the way porn normalises unprotected sex is definitely influencing young and naive teens all across the world.

Condoms not only protect you from getting pregnant but they also help protect against STI’s and if you’re having sex with no cover on you’re at a much high risk than you are with one on. WEAR CONDOMS!! Another problem with this, is that men especially, when they start having sex, if they don’t use condoms from the off, they get used to this idea of wanting to ‘feel’ the inside of a woman and therefore with every sexual encounter they don’t want to use a condom because porn has normalised unprotected sex so much that people think it’s weird/ unsexy to use a condom.

If both partners are monogamous and the female is on contraception then yes, you don’t necessarily have to use condoms every time you have sex. However, if you’re with a new partner or sleeping with multiple people you should ALWAYS use a condom. To read more on condoms, you can read my Condoms and Consent article.

The Pressure on Men to Last Long in Bed

The NHS states that a man on average lasts five and a half minutes during a round of intercourse. Men watching porn can feel ashamed that they don’t last as long as male porn stars when, in reality, male porn stars often use Viagra and other treatments to stay erect for longer, and they often stop and start in between film takes.

The ‘Perfect’ Body

There’s a huge lack of diversity in mainstream porn regarding, age, hair colour, skin colour, body shapes and sizes. Regarding to Dr.Felix’s research (picture above), there is an interesting disparity in bra sizes. While the ‘blonde-hair, big-boob’ stereotype of porn actresses persists, the typical porn star is brunette and actually has the same bra size as the average woman of 20 years ago. In reality, the average bra size is a 34DD today, compared to 34B in 1992.

Porn vaginas all look like a perfect blueprint. Many female porn stars have surgery to give themselves ‘designer vaginas’ when in reality, vaginas come in all shapes and sizes, and there’s no such thing as a perfect one – plus everyone has different preferences.

If you’re sick of mainstream porn, you’re in luck because ‘feminist porn’ is now a thing. Feminist porn hires a plethora of diverse porn stars, so you can enjoy wanking over more relatable people and sex scenarios. Feminist porn creator Tristan Taormino describes to Cosmopolitan in depth, what feminist porn is and how to find it, “Feminist porn features minorities underrepresented in mainstream porn, so you may see people of different gender identities and expressions, races, body types, or abilities. Those differences will not be fetishized or stereotyped as some mainstream porn does (with race for example).” Plus, feminist porn tends to feature actual female orgasms – not faked.

GIGANTIC Phallus’s

Apparently unless you have a giant cock, a woman won’t be pleasured by you (according to porn anyway). Whether it’s really thick, really long or (mainly) both – porn stars often have a lot larger phallus than the ordinary man. This can put pressure on both women’s expectations and a mans confidence when it comes to getting down and dirty. However male porn stars are often hired for that reason – because they have a big piece. Plus, camera angles can make a penis look larger than it actually is – however this can make men think that size matters and that only big cocks can give pleasure. In real life, great sex has a lot more to do with what you do with it, rather than the size of it. It’s all about how you use it.

Muscles and lean figures feature a lot in porn, with the typical porn actor sporting the desirable inverted triangle shape – broad shoulders and a tapered waist. In reality, most men have a rectangular figure, featuring a flat torso and minor change in shape.

Both men and women should avoid comparing their bodies to a porn star’s. Like models, they are paid to look a certain way. Women may go for the god-like muscly figure in porn, but the truth is that nothing is sexier than being comfortable in your own skin.

Pubic Hair – Where Is It ??

It seems you only get the bush if you ask for it on porn, otherwise all mainstream videos are traditionally smooth bald patches. Women aren’t always shaved when it comes to sex, because sometimes sex is random, most women aren’t having sex to be performing on camera and get paid.

I can appreciate pubic hair has become unfashionable in a sense now, but it shouldn’t make someone less desired if they choose to keep it. As mentioned in my article about The Female Bush, it states that pubic lice are apparently now ‘going extinct’ due to the hefty amount of people maintaining a full Hollywood and excessively grooming downstairs. Being fully shaved is hugely influenced from the porn star aesthetic of not a speck of pube on their groin area. But most people have pubes, so where’s their representation on porn? Other than in a fetish category.

The Sexualisation of Lesbians

Lesbians have long been sexualised by society. Lesbians are women who are attracted to other women, if they fancied men they would be bisexual. So why do so many men enjoy the thought of sexually entertaining two lesbians that would be completely uninterested in them in real life? Why is there so much lesbian porn that involves men?

Unfortunately for those men, lesbians definitely don’t want or need their cock in order to have a good time. In fact, the high lesbian orgasm rates prove it. According to a study, amongst women, lesbians orgasm most when sexually intimate – with 86% reporting that they usually or always do. This is followed by bisexual women – a large drop down at 66% – and finally straight women at 65%. It seems when a man is added into the mix, the likelihood of orgasm significantly decreases for women.

Sexpectations

Sex can be clumsy, messy, slippery, awkward and even boring sometimes. Never have expectations for your first time to look like a porn scene or a sex scene off a rom-com, because it is highly unlikely that is what you’ll experience.

Fitting in with the sexpectations category is the literal sex expectations that have been created by porn – anal being a prime example. This data shows you the top ten sex acts done by women in porn vs top ten sex acts done by women in reality – and the proof is in the pudding. Women on porn do anything they’re told to do (according to the viewer) however that’s not what most women want.

Porn is a fantasy, and with fantasies, most people don’t bring it into their real life. Just because a woman on porn does double penetration doesn’t mean every woman is happy to do that. Every person is an individual, don’t let porn manipulate you into having high expectations for people’s boundaries – everything should be consensual, and talked about before if needs be. Never go into a sexual engagement with expectations, especially expectations that have been influenced from porn.

Basically, porn films are just that – films – and, just like any other film, the truth can often be sacrificed for a story line. If you take everything with a pinch of salt and instead get to know the real facts, you’ll be well on your way to a healthy, happy and fulfilling sex life. Enjoy porn for what is it – but just know that it’s not real – it’s just designed to make you think it’s real whilst you’re watching it.

Anal Sex: Shit… Happens

Since reaching an Instagram milestone of 200 followers (@shshithappens), the inspiration behind the name of Shit Happens shall be revealed. The name comes not only from shit happening in the bedroom, but from actual SHIT happening. SHIT… HAPPENS! And if you want to engage in anal sex, then you best get used to that thought.

The main struggle I’ve faced is the lack of consideration in my partner when it comes to anal sex, which has since put me off engaging in it again. I presume most women have experienced this? Tried it once, and thought nope. Never again. You might not have even been able to get to the stage of actually trying it, because it just hurt too much.

Treat people how you want to be treated. If you were to be penetrated in your tiny sphincter would you want them just going straight in? No, you most definitely would not. Treat your partner’s arsehole how you would want yours treated. Plenty of lube, foreplay and communication is the key to fun anal sex!

Expectations Vs Reality

Despite what you may have seen in porn or heard from your friends, anal sex isn’t something that can be done without lots of lube lube, lots of foreplay and a hefty amount of communication. PLEASE DO NOT force entry into the back passage, this not only causes a sharp stinging pain that then proceeds to hurt for ten minutes, but it can also cause tears.

This is why anal sex puts you at a higher risk of contracting HIV because of the potential for blood on blood contact. So for your own safety, and your partners, wear a condom and make sure their arsehole is ready for you! Communication is key. “Does that hurt?”/ “Does that feel good?”/ “How is it?”/ “Are you comfortable?”/ “Can I go faster?” etc…

While yes, the ol’ “sorry I slipped and almost went into the wrong hole” happens sometimes, it’s unlikely that without a fuck ton of lube, your partner won’t be able to actually penetrate you all the way in.

The rumors are true: Anal does have the possibility of getting messy. Like anything sex related, when you’re swapping bodily fluids, unwrapping condoms, using lube, there’s the potential to stain or make a mess. If you want extra peace of mind, make sure the surface you and your partner engage on is comfortable and washable.

How to Make it Easier

You can make anal sex easier for yourself by anal training or gradually introducing larger and larger toys into your anus to train your muscles to get used to the feeling of something going up there.

But like any other sex act, if things start to hurt in a way that’s no longer fun, you should stop. Pain most commonly comes from anal fissures, or little tears in the tissue around the anus, which is very thin and delicate. A good way to remedy that is using lots of lube and starting with smaller objects, rather than big ones. Anal tears should heal within a few days but may cause a bit of mild discomfort when you’re going to the toilet.

Lube, Lube, LUBE!!!

Unlike the vagina, the anus lacks lubrication. When a woman is aroused, the vagina provides its own lubricant for sex. The anus, however, does not. That means you have to provide it. Penetration without lubrication can tear the delicate tissue inside the anus, which can lead to pain and bleeding. No “Oops! It slipped!” excuses here — as that would be a major violation of trust and consent.

When it comes to anal and lube, there’s plenty of options. The best lubes for anal sex are the thicker lubricants as they don’t dry out as quick.

PSA: DO NOT USE NUMBING CREAMS!!! Sex Educator Wendasha Jenkins Hall says to Cosmopolitan that you should, “Avoid numbing creams. I know they are tempting, but pain is your body’s way of letting you know something is wrong, if your anus is numb, you can’t tell if any of your activities are causing damage. You can’t feel if you need more lube or if your body is tightening up to the penetration or impact.”

Shit Happens.. Just Make Sure You Clean It Up

Medical Director Lauren Streitcher says to Women’s Health, “This is also why anal sex can be pleasurable- it gets your pelvic floor stimulated and contracting – which in turn will get you to poop.” If there’s poop there, there’s a chance it’ll make its way out.

How do you prevent any dark messes, you may wonder? If you have one anal sex mantra, let it be, “make sure you’re not due to poo”. Sexologist Juliet Allen states that to prevent any poop disasters, avoid eating fatty and spicy foods. If it does happen, your partner must appreciate it is a possible consequence of the act, and therefore, not make you feel embarrassed. Just clean yourselves up!

How to Have ‘Clean’ Anal Sex

Anal douching isn’t just for the gays! Anybody who wants to engage in anal play, and is worried about feces, douching will give you a bit of reassurance to say the least. Douching is basically the act of flushing your rectum out with water. You can use several objects to achieve this or just use a shower head, douching apparatus are further explained here.

Whether giving or receiving, male or female, precautions still need to be taken. You are at risk of Sexual Transmitted Infections anytime you engage in skin on skin contact, so to help prevent the transmission – use condoms! To read more about Condoms and Consent read here, even if a woman is pegging a man, STD’s can be carried on sex toys too.

Even if you’re monogamous, STI’s aside, using a condom prevents bacteria from the bowls spreading anywhere else, so yeah – just use a condom. You should never use the same condom from anal to vaginal penetration for obvious reasons.. No one wants poop in their vagina!

Pegging

Pegging is a fetish that has come more to the foreground in recent years, it is where a woman penetrates a man up his anus with a strap-on. If you’re interested in this, you should always engage in anal foreplay before you go in balls deep. Try having your partner rim you, and using a finger or two before using plenty of lube on you, and on the toy to assure the lubrication is there to insert the dildo – just as you would when preparing a woman for anal sex.

The thing with anal sex is people (mainly heterosexual men) think they can just go straight in. Urm, no? Just like pegging, it needs to be prepared. Just because it’s a woman’s arsehole doesn’t mean it’s any different to a man’s, in the way it functions. For pleasurable anal sex, a lot of lube and a lot of foreplay and patience is needed. If you don’t want to do any of that, then you’re not going to end up having anal sex.

If you’re thinking of trying anal sex for the first time, or trying it out again, Cosmopolitan have written a useful article on 15 Anal Sex Positions That Will Reinvent Going Back There. Be patient, be kind, and – mess aside – have fun!

The Foot Fetish

Now for some reason, a sense of dread goes through people when they hear ‘foot fetish’ and for others, well… they get excited. I think the sense of dread comes from the fear of the unknown most times, you don’t know what to expect, you don’t know if you will like it, and you don’t know what others – or your partner – may think afterwards.

Most of the time, the sense of disgust or dread is just from pure ignorance. You’re uneducated. That’s ok! Like any fetish, this isn’t going to be for everyone. You might not like it, and that is fine too. However, if you can understand it a bit more, perhaps your judgement of disgust – when you next come across someone with a foot fetish – will be no longer.

What is a Foot Fetish?

BigThink.com states that, “The most common answer to the question of how fetishes are formed is that a fetish is a learned response. For instance, when a neutral item (such as a shoe, for example) is paired with something arousing (a nude photo, for example), the previously neutral item is eventually associated with arousal and sexual excitement, eventually becoming a trigger for arousal.”

Heathline.com explains that, “A foot fetish is a sexual interest in feet. In other words, feet, toes, and ankles turn you on. This particular preference for feet can vary from person to person. Some people are turned on just by looking at feet. Others may find painted nails, jewelry, or other adornments appealing. Still, others get sexual satisfaction in foot treatments, such as massaging or worshiping feet.”

Why are People into Feet ?

Your partner having a foot fetish doesn’t mean they want to submit to a findom and pay her loads of money to worship her feet. I mean it might do, but not everyone’s fantasies are that extreme. Your feet are covered with nerve endings, and nerve endings equal greater, often more intense, sensations.

Some people just want to caress your feet along with the rest of your body, so they’re touching every part of you, making the contact (and whole experience) more sensual and intimate. Tickling, rubbing, and massaging may all feel immensely better on feet.

New York-based psychotherapist Dulcinea Pitagora a.k.a ‘The Kink Doctor’ says to Vice,

“The homunculus shows the parts of the body with the most sensory receptors, feet being one of those body parts with a massive amount of sensory receptors. Feet just so happen to be mapped very close to genitalia on the brain, so it also makes sense that there would be relatively frequent associations.” Foot fetishes could possibly result from cross-wiring in the brain between feet and the genital parts.

Pitagora also believes that foot fetishes aren’t predominantly a male-only fetish. We only presume that because of how heterosexual males are socialized to be the most vocal about their sexuality, in comparison to other minorities, who aren’t as confident in vocalising and acting on their sexual preferences.

Sigmund Freud claimed that people sexualize feet because they resemble penises. But I mean, each to their own.

How Common Are Foot Fetishes? The Stats.

The foot fetish is one of the most common, mainstream fetishes, and a lot more people are actually interested in feet than you think. Due to the bad reaction that usually comes with telling people they like feet (or any kink really) most people don’t reveal their desires, unless they’re comfortable with their partner. According to this study, they found that about half of the people they surveyed had a foot fetish.

Mens Health reached out to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, author of ‘Tell Me What You Want’ and whilst conducting research for his book, Lehmiller surveyed more than 4,000 Americans about their sexual fantasies. Among other things, he asked about fantasies pertaining to feet and toes. His research shows that, 5% are heterosexual women, 18% are heterosexual men, 11% are lesbian and bisexual women and 21% are gay and bisexual men.

Proving a theory that foot fetishes are a predominantly male orientated fetish, however like mentioned previously, women may not feel as comfortable expressing their sexual desires, creating inaccurate research (to an extent).

Sexual Paraphilia

However, sexual paraphilia can be prevalent with foot fetishes, as many other things. Sexual paraphilia is where a person gets a fixated sexual arousal off fantasizing about something that is frowned upon in society/ extreme. The person becomes dependent on that thing for their sole sexual gratification. Psychology Today defines paraphilia more in depth,

“A paraphilia is a condition in which a person’s sexual arousal and gratification depend on fantasizing about, and engaging in sexual behavior that is atypical and extreme. A paraphilia is considered a disorder when it causes distress or threatens to harm someone else. A paraphilia can revolve around a particular object (children, animals, underwear) or a particular behavior (inflicting pain, exposing oneself) but is distinguished by a preoccupation with the object or behavior to the point of being dependent on that object or behavior for sexual gratification. Most paraphilias are far more common in men than in women. The focus of a paraphilia is usually very specific and unchanging.”

What Pleasure do People Get From Foot Fetishes?

Fetishes—about feet or something else—are a “multi-sensory experience,” Lehmiller says: “Different people might find very different things arousing about their fetish object.”

Humiliation and Domination Aspect: The feet are at the bottom of your body and often when you worship someone, you bow to their feet. The same concept applies for people into feet and domination. They’re submitting to the person whose feet they’re worshiping, making a power exchange. Some people enjoy power play and feeling below others, and feet are just another part of their power play with their dominant other.

If your partner has expressed fondness for feet, and you want to help them with their fantasy, you can start by rubbing their genitals with your feet, (over their clothing perhaps) and build up from there. Your partner might want to massage your feet, which if you’re not ticklish, can be great. Your partner may also want to kiss your feet or suck your toes during intercourse, if you’re ok with this, then suggest it. Or even a foot job! Just figure out what you both like.

If you’ve expressed your feet desires and your partner doesn’t share the same interest in feet as you do, they may have other curiosities they’d like to explore. Being honest about your fetishes and desires can put into motion a virtuous cycle that lets you both find fun, new activities you both enjoy. So don’t be afraid, and talk to your partner!

To read about other fetishes like Ropeplay & Bondage or BDSM click here

Ropeplay and Bondage

What Is It?

Bondage is a part of the BDSM subculture, it is a fetish that has been interpreted in many ways all over the world and is a fun intro to kink. You can start by tying one person’s wrists together during foreplay and/or intercourse (and reverse it if you like). If you enjoy being restrained then progress on to more restrictive ties like a hog tie. Just have fun with it, and if you aren’t … then stop! P.s. This article won’t be covering self-bondage or suspension; as those will be separate articles.

Bondage is the practice of consensually physically, restraining, tying, or binding a partner for erotic or aesthetic pleasure. There have been many interpretations of bondage using a variety of different restraints such as, chains, rope, bandage, tape and cuffs (whether metal, leather, hand, or thumb). Shibari is a popular, more complicated form of rope-tying that originates from Japan, so if you want to get more creative you could always try Shibari Bondage.

Bondage is used to heighten sexual pleasure for both participants, the one tied is the submissive and the other is the dominant. Bondage can be pleasurable for both participants in various ways. The dominant will receive a sense of power over the submissive as they are restrained and they will therefore feel in full control. The submissive will get pleasure from the eviction of power and letting someone else take control, but for both the whole experience of tying someone up – and being tied up – can be very exciting and arousing.

Choose Your Weapon

You can purchase bondage rope which won’t cause any damage or burns to the skin, but there’s a range of different ropes you can use. Multi-filament, nylon, and hemp are common materials for rope. However, natural materials usually need some conditioning before use. Make sure the rope doesn’t have the potential to splinter, stretch or shrink.

Fetish and the Boundaries

Though increasingly common, BDSM is a fetish, therefore it isn’t for everyone. If your partner is interested in BDSM and wants to start doing it with you, and you don’t want to do it – you don’t have to. Consent also applies in this situation, if you feel uncomfortable doing it and your partner knows that, then you shouldn’t be forced to go through with it.

There are thousands of fetishes out there to be discovered, but some people just aren’t into kink, that’s ok, and you must respect that. However, most partners will want to please their other and try out new things, and that’s great! As long as both parties involved are happy to go ahead with the play, then that is fine.

Why Do People Enjoy it?

In an experience listed on Psychology Today, they say, “Some people have to be tied up to be free.” Sexual fetishes are often more than not, linked to an individual’s childhood and past experiences, and their personality. Frequently people of authoritarian figures, those with a lot of responsibility (in life and work), and the seemingly ‘alpha’ characters are submissive in the bedroom.

This is because when they are tied up, unable to move, they’re trusting someone else to take control for a change and are alleviated of all life’s stresses, whilst they’re there in that moment. The essential component is not the pain or bondage itself, but rather the knowledge that one person has complete control over the other, deciding what that person will hear, do, taste, touch, smell and feel.

Don’t get misconstrued though, there are a lot of people who are both domineering and controlling in both their actual life and in the bedroom. The dominant partner enjoys the power play because they feel in full control having someone submit to their every want and command.

Neurologist, Sigmund Freud believes that the desire to submit, arises from guilt feelings over the desire to dominate.

How To Do It Safely

When practicing BDSM it is always advised to have a ‘safe word’. A safe word is a word that when either participant says it, you know to stop whatever it is you’re doing – immediately. Therefore, even if you’re just experimenting with rope/bondage – make sure you have a safe word, as this allows play to stop straight away. Should you have been harmed in any way, or you’re just not feeling it anymore, then you have that comfort of mind to be able to stop the situation and get out of the ropes at any time.

Bondage is safer when conducted between sober, trusted partners who are fully aware of the risks involved and the precautions necessary to ensure safety, such as informed consent. DO NOT leave a bound person alone and always try to regularly ask your partner if they are ok throughout the practice.

Cosmopolitan has written a great article on rope bondage sex positions with visuals, to spur your imagination more when it comes to your rope-tying creativity. If you want to try some bondage, go ahead! But do it safely, and make sure your partner is ok with it too. Have fun!

If you have any questions or queries, or would like to get in touch with Shit Happens, don’t hesitate to e-mail us at shithappenstothebestofus@gmail.com

Condoms and Consent

What is Consent?

We like to think that sex and consent go hand in hand, but it just isn’t as black and white as that. I’m sure we all wish it was. Consent can seem like an incredibly grey area, and those who have casual partners will probably have experienced consent less than those in committed relationships. Consent isn’t just “no means no”. Ok? There is a big difference between consensual sex and rape. Consent is defined by Section 74 Sexual Offences Act 2003.

Someone consents to vaginal, anal or oral penetration only if s/he agrees by choice to that penetration and has the freedom and capacity to make that choice.
Consent to sexual activity may be given to one sort of sexual activity but not another, e.g. to vaginal but not anal sex. Or with conditions, such as wearing a condom.
Consent can be withdrawn at any time during sexual activity, and each time activity occurs.

When Else Can’t Somebody Consent?

Evidence that by reason of drink, drugs, sleep, age or mental disability the complainant was unaware of what was occurring and/ or incapable of giving valid consent; or
Evidence that the complainant was deceived as to the identity of the person with whom (s)he had intercourse.
If there’s an assertion of force or threats.
A boy or girl under the age of 16 cannot consent in UK law.

We’ve All Been There – and if Not – We Know Somebody That Has

In my own experiences that I reflect back on, there’s been some questionable circumstances to which acts have happened. For example, agreeing to have sex with someone if they wear a condom and then them just putting their penis inside you without one on. Not only is the risk of pregnancy now available, but the risk of catching STD’s is too.

Just like this coronavirus, those with a virus can carry it without symptoms, and therefore unknowingly pass it on to somebody else. Condoms don’t protect you 100% from STD’s and pregnancy but it does decrease your risk by a sufficient amount.

When you’re ‘in the mood’, you can sometimes get a little bit carried away with what’s happening but unless you ask for consent/ or consent to unprotected sex – you should not be having it. I haven’t been on contraception for nearly four years on the principle that I don’t like the idea of pumping hormones into my body, or messing with my fertility.

Now lots of women all over the world DON’T take birth control for various reasons, so to prevent any unwarranted mini versions of yourself running around, you should always wear a condom as a double precaution. The condom side of sex is on both individuals, as it takes two to tango, however using the ‘I don’t have a condom’ or ‘I don’t like the feel of condoms’ excuse to have unprotected sex is getting old and frankly quite boring.

On the other hand, if you both distinguish neither of you has a condom and you both still want to go ahead – that is fine. There’s still a risk of STD’s and pregnancy, however a risk you have both agreed to nonetheless. But can men just STOP SLIDING IT IN?! There’s no going back once it’s already in, the damage has already been done, and you feel humiliated asking him to put a condom on once he’s already put it in without. Right?

Consent can come in many forms, as long as both partners know what they’re consenting to, then the act can go ahead. If you’ve agreed to have sex under the conditions of wearing a condom and you dismiss that, and go in dry, that is actually classed as sexual assault and so is removing a condom during intercourse.

Non-consensual condom removal, or ‘stealthing’, is the practice of a man covertly removing or damaging a condom during sexual intercourse, when his sex partner has only consented to condom-protected sex. Such behaviour may be regarded as sexual assault or rape and it is classed as a form of reproductive coercion.

There’s so many things that are actually classed as sexual assault and/or rape, but we don’t want to say the word, so we avoid it and pretend like it’s no big deal. Drunk sex is a big one. We’ve all done it, if not yourself, I bet you know somebody that has been under the influence and has a rapey sex story. Right?

If someone has been sick, can’t talk, or can’t move, you having sex with them is rape. They don’t have any power as to what is going on around them, and you taking advantage of their unconscious state is the actions of those of a sexual predator who deserves to be locked away.

Condoms are Sexy!

It’s sexy when a man gets a condom out because you instantly know he looks after his sexual health or it at least gives you some reassurance that at he is weary of it. Plus it’s a huge weight lifted off your shoulders, because now you don’t have to find the right time to say it, and instigate the use of a condom. Pressuring people to go unprotected is not ok under any circumstances – that too is sexual assault. No excuses. No condom? No sex.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is consent3-1.png

Sex is sex. As long as both parties consent, it’s going to be great with or without a condom. Considering the risks involved – just wear a condom – it saves all kinds of stress!

For a list of rape/sexual abuse & assault helplines available, head over to this link on ITV.

The Morning-After Pill: Everything You Need to Know

What Is It?

Emergency contraception – also known as the morning after pill – has long been shrouded in mystery and stigma. The morning after pill is a pill that is taken after unprotected sex (or if the birth control in place has failed) to prevent pregnancy. However this shouldn’t be used as an alternate method of contraception – the morning after pill is a backup.

The Two Forms of Emergency Contraception

There are two forms of emergency contraception that can be used after unprotected sex to prevent pregnancy. These are: the emergency IUD – also known as ‘the emergency coil’ and the morning after pill.

However, the emergency copper coil, or IUD, has to be implanted by a professional. You can learn more about the IUD by reading this article from the NHS.

Do I Have to Take the Pill Within 24hrs?

When it comes to the morning after pill – you have a choice of two different pills – containing either ulipristal acetate (ellaOne) or levonorgestrel.

EllaOne (ulipristal acetate) can be taken within five days (120 hours) of unprotected sex and levonorgestrel containing emergency contraceptive pills can be taken within 3 days (72 hours) of unprotected sex.

However, even though Levonelle can be taken up to three days after having unprotected sex, it’s most effective if taken within 12 hours. The sooner you take it, the better – for both pills.

How Does Emergency Contraception Work?

The emergency contraceptive pills work by preventing or delaying ovulation and must therefore be taken as soon as possible, as they are not effective if ovulation has already taken place.

Risks

Emergency contraception is an effective option for preventing pregnancy after unprotected sex, but it isn’t as effective as other methods of contraception and isn’t recommended for routine use. Also, the morning-after pill can fail even with correct use, and it offers no protection against sexually transmitted infections (STI’s).

The morning-after pill isn’t appropriate for everyone. Don’t take a morning-after pill if: you’re allergic to any component of the morning-after pill or you’re taking certain medications that can decrease the effectiveness of the morning-after pill, such as barbiturates or St. John’s wort.

If you’re overweight or obese, there’s an indication that the morning-after pill won’t be as effective in preventing pregnancy. As recently stated on BBC Comedy ‘Shrill’, the morning after pill won’t work for women who weigh over a certain amount. The Guardian reports that the creator of the morning after pill states that it is INEFFECTIVE in women who weigh over 80kg (12st 7lbs).

Side Effects

The side effects of the morning-after pill, typically only last a few days. They might include: Nausea or vomiting, dizziness, fatigue, headache, breast tenderness, bleeding between periods or heavier menstrual bleeding, lower abdominal pain or cramps.

Are There Any Age Restrictions?

According to the NHS Website, you need to be 16 or over to buy Levonelle (72hr pill). Girls under 16 can get Levonelle, but only with a prescription from their doctor. However ellaOne (120hr pill) can be sold to under 16s without a prescription.

Where to Get it From

You can get the morning after pill directly from the pharmacy without the need for a prescription and you can also get it from your GP, family planning clinic, walk-in centre or out of hours service.

Going into a pharmacy to speak directly to someone without having to have an appointment may be the quickest way to access emergency contraception advice and support. However, research reveals that only 7% of women are aware that it is possible to order the morning after pill online.

Yes, that is correct. You can order the morning after pill safely online. Therefore, you can always purchase it beforehand and if you find yourself in a situation where you’re in need of emergency contraception, at least you have it at hand.

How Much Do I Have to Pay?

Prices can vary between £15-£35 for the morning after pill, depending on where you purchase it from. Online proves to be cheaper sometimes than in-store. However, in some areas, it can be free of charge in pharmacies through a local NHS service (subject to eligibility criteria and pharmacist availability). Ask in store if this applies in your area.

You can also get the morning after pill for free on the NHS at contraception clinics, most sexual health/GUM clinics, most GP surgeries, most NHS walk-in centres and minor injuries units and some hospital A&Es.

It is also free if prescribed by your GP or a sexual health/contraception clinic. To see where your closest NHS Pharmacies are, click here.

Vaginismus

What is Vaginismus?

Vaginismus is an involuntary contraction of the muscles surrounding the entrance to the vagina. It doesn’t interfere with sexual arousal, but it does make penetration painful – and sometimes, impossible.

What Causes Vaginismus?

Hope & Her state that there can be various causes for Vaginismus, ranging from, physical and mental medical conditions, age-related changes, defects at birth, and medications, to abuse – however sometimes there is simply no identifiable cause.

“Depending on the intensity, penetration issues will range from minor burning sensations with tightness to total closure of the vaginal opening with impossible penetration.”

Two Types of Vaginismus

According to Heathline.com, vaginismus is classified into two types: primary vaginismus and secondary vaginismus.

Primary Vaginismus: When vaginal penetration has never been achieved. // Secondary Vaginismus: When vaginal penetration has been previously achieved, but is no longer possible, potentially due to factors such as gynecologic surgery, trauma, or radiation.

Misdiagnosis

There is also dyspareunia, which is the medical term for painful sexual intercourse. It’s often confused with vaginismus, but dyspareunia could be due to cysts, pelvic inflammatory disease, or vaginal atrophy.

To read more on dyspareunia, Mayo Clinic have written a useful article with everything you need to know about dyspareunia. Just click the link.

Confession

“For most of my teens and early twenties I struggled with vaginismus. You wouldn’t know you had an issue until you go to try and have sex. You could be fine using tampons, but suddenly when it matters, then everything just clamps shut. Great.

I only found out that I had Vaginismus when I tried to have sex for the first time when I was 16. The opportunity arose – parents and younger siblings were away for the weekend, we got down to it, condom on and it wasn’t going in…

We tried wiggling around, different positions, nothing was working. Worst of all, it would be extremely painful when we forced it. Then his parents returned earlier than planned, and I found myself running down their incomprehensibly long driveway with the wrong shoes on my feet.” – J, London, 29

As time went by, she felt nervous when it came around to having to explain her Vaginismus to a new partner. One night stands and flings would be even more confused. Making some relationships difficult, well sexual ones anyway…

“There were occasions when I was very grateful that I didn’t sleep with someone who I knew I would have regretted. And it was a relief to not worry about pregnancy too much either. I managed this way for nearly 9 years after I first tried to have sex.” – J

Vaginismus Treatments

J recommends that the use of vaginal dilators can help with vaginismus. The NHS have a poster with everything you need to know about vaginal dilators, and they define a vaginal dilator as a plastic shape that is used to stretch (widen and lengthen) the vagina. They come in a range of sizes, as displayed in the image below, to allow gradual stretching of the vagina.

Vuva Girl have written a useful article on what you need to know about how to use vaginal dilators. They state that for best results, you should use them 1-2 times a day.

She finds that breathing exercises before sex help too, taking slow inhalations to saturate the lungs with oxygen, relaxing the body.

A Little Reassurance…

“I’m still grateful in a weird way for my vaginismus. In my head, my vagina is this odd prudish lady and she’s got way more sense than me! It taught me the value of taking things slowly, taught me more about my body than I would have known otherwise, and also protected me from some shitty hookups. So if you’re experiencing this, please don’t panic and please don’t think you’re weird. There is loads more information on it now, and it’s much more readily accessible. And at the very least, use it as an excuse to get him to go down on you girl!” – J, London, 29

Get Involved

If you would like to share one of your sex stories that you deem to be ’embarrassing’ or ‘cringey’ or even if you have any questions, send them over to shithappenstothebestofus@gmail.com and let’s change that! Shit Happens is a completely #JudgementFreeZone and I need YOUR stories!

Ooh Aah Kama Sutra

No book is more famous for sex than the Kama Sutra. An Indian homage to a guru of great sex. The actual term ‘Kama Sutra’ translates to ‘Teachings on Desire’ which is rather fitting. Only a small amount of the ancient Sanskrit text actually delves into sex ― much of it is instructions are on holistic living.

Although after 2,000 years, the book is slightly outdated. With regards to homosexual sex, it does pop up in the text but for the most part, it is for the heterosexual reader.

When people hear the words ‘Kama Sutra’ they presume in order to participate in any of the sex moves that you have to be some sort of Olympic gymnast. That is not true. The Kama Sutra can be applied to both straight and gay sex.

If you would be interested in reading a more modern version of the Kama Sutra that includes gay couples, straight couples and threesomes – give Minisutra a read. Minisutra is a book of creative illustrations to represent all types of people doing it in different ways.

Image result for minisutra illustrations — @BiancaTschaikner – ‘Scissor Sisters’

Splitting Bamboo/ The Splitter

Image result for splitting bamboo sex move cartoon — ‘Splitting Bamboo’

You’ve probably done this sex move without even realising. Don’t be scared by the name. According to GQ Magazine this is one of the few Kama Sutra positions worth bothering with. The bottom lies on their back with one leg over the other person’s shoulder as they penetrate.

The Anvil (Jrimbhitaka)

The Anvil position is an advanced rendition of the ‘Missionary Position’. The Anvil is also known as ‘Jrimbhitaka’ which stands for ‘Gaping’ according to refinery29.com? Yes, gaping. Maybe because it stretches the holes more? This position is where one person lies on their back with their legs over their partners shoulders.

Reverse Cowgirl (Virsha)

Image result for cowgirl position kama sutra — @lucymacaroni – ‘Reverse Cowgirl’

Reverse Cowgirl or otherwise known as ‘Virsha‘ is a well known sex move, but this rendition has a little twist. Have the penetrator lie on their back with a pillow underneath so they’re sat up slightly, and not lying completely flat. Use the bed or their ankles as a base, and ride. According to Cosmopolitan this rendition of the famous ‘Reverse Cowgirl’ is called ‘Reverse Cowdog.’

Lazy Dog

Similar to Doggystyle, but Lazy Dog revolves around the woman lying flat on her stomach rather than on all fours. Perfect if you’re feeling a bit complacent, but still horny. Some good angles can also be achieved in this move.

Bandoleer (Piditaka)

Image result for launch pad sex position — @BadGirlsBible – ‘Bandoleer’

The Bandoleer, or otherwise known as ‘Piditaka’ is a move quite similar to The Anvil, except the person on their back places their feet on their partners chest. The partner should have their knees either side of the other person’s hips whilst they penetrate.

The Anvil is a good transition from the Bandoleer. As too long in the Bandoleer going at a fast pace can be pretty intense.

Binding Spoon

The Binding Spoon is a transition move from The Spoon, being penetrated on your side and then moving onto your back, opening your legs. To achieve extra pleasure you can reach over and play with your partners clitoris/penis.

Get Involved

BDSM & Safe Practice

BDSM – What is it?

BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism. BDSM is an umbrella term for any kinky play that involves a consensual power exchange.

The larger the kink community gets, the more it must spread awareness of safe practice – especially in the BDSM community. The BDSM community is all about trust, your partner respecting your limits and of course pleasure and pain.

Therefore, doing my bit in spreading awareness, this article will cover – safe choking, spanking, aftercare, and safe words.

Through common misconception, being a submissive (sub) is not to be feared. Yes you are vulnerable, that’s the whole point of it, but when it comes down to it – the submissive is more in control of the whole situation than the dominant (dom) is.

Pretty much everything is on the submissive’s call. It’s now hurting and you want to stop doing that? It stops.

Erotic Asphyxiation : Choke Safe!

The feel of a hand caressing your neck and then having it pinning you down with pressure applied can be incredibly tantalizing for some people. Or even choking yourself out – whatever you’re in to! However, not many things come without complications…

When being with new partners who haven’t explored the BDSM avenue, choking can sometimes be a bit of a … problem. Tip Number One – Squeeze from the sides, and do not, I repeat, DO NOT squeeze on to the throat and crush your partners windpipe!

Tip Number Two – if they pass out, don’t panic! They’re not dead, just to try NOT to continue choking them or else then you might have a murder on your hands.

The reason for choking being a turn on is because the oxygen to your brain is getting restricted, making you go lightheaded. However, when the pressure is lifted the blood and oxygen begin to flow again due to a release of hormones and endorphins such as serotonin and dopamine. Which creates a sort of high.

According to Healthline.com, in the immediate aftermath of choking your body confuses the rush of endorphins and hormones as a positive, pleasurable thing. When actually the hormones were caused by your body’s protective reaction.

Instead of feeling as though warning signals are being sent to your brain and body because you’re in ‘danger’, it conflicts the feeling with pleasure. Which is why some people enjoy it so much – both men and women.

TIP : A bag over the head can also enhance the sensation received through being choked.

So… Choke safe!

Spanking and Aftercare

Spanking can be pleasurable for many reasons, powerplay, roleplay, or the pleasure derived from a touch of pain. However if you’re planning on incorporating this newly into your sex life, discover your limits and find your feet before you dive in to the deep end.

Start off with a hand, then maybe move forward to a crop, and experiment from their onwards, onto paddles, floggers, whips etc…

A big part of safe practice is aftercare which is heavily focused on within the BDSM community – due to the nature of the kink. It is always good to check on your partners mental and physical well being after engaging in some power exchange kink scene.

A certified sex coach and sexologist Gigi Engle says in an article for Mens Health that, “Aftercare is great in all sexual experiences because it takes a person’s emotional well-being into consideration.”

Aftercare isn’t just emotional support, but physical too. Tend to your partner’s bruises, rub some cream on them and give them a massage etc…

However, it is imperative that after a BDSM scene you talk about what happened and that you were ok with what went on, and that emotionally you’re comforted. That is a key part of BDSM aftercare and BDSM as a whole. Fully consensual sex.

Safe Words. What are They? How Do I Use Them?

First off – Know your limits!

To help you do this, safe words exist. Now a safe word can be anything, as long as both you and your partner know that it is your safe word. It ensures safe roleplay and that you’re both on the same page.

For example, your partner could be trying to tease you by telling you to STOP – and with a safe word, you know it’s safe for you to carry on kinking until the mutually agreed safe word is said.

It’s important to know both your own and your partners limits in the bedroom, we don’t want anyone taking more than they’re prepared to handle. Safe words aren’t necessarily for everyone as some people might have a trustworthy partner who’s respectful towards their limits.

For instance, a safe word may not necessarily be needed because a simple, change of character can call it off in some instances.

However, if you’re new to the whole BDSM scene , or if you’re having sex with a new partner – then a safe word is definitely a good option. A safe word just lets your partner know that you want to stop whatever it is that you’re doing – it can literally be ANYTHING.

Stay Kinky and Stay Safe!